Caring for all of God's kids

Every church has children and teens that are on the autism spectrum, yet we often see very little action plans being developed.  We don’t hear about it too much—even though the rates of kids with autism has gone up over 78% in the last decade.    

In 2000 and 2002, the autism estimate from the CDC was about 1 in 150 children. Two years later 1 in 125 8-year-olds had autism. In 2006, the number was 1 in 110, and the newest data -- from 2008 -- suggests 1 in 88 children have autism.  Boys with autism continue to outnumber girls 5-to-1, according to the CDC report. It estimates that 1 in 54 boys in the United States have autism.

Bekah Miller—the Associate Director of Youth Ministry at my home church has been working on this issue over the past few years.  I have seen her be intentional about caring for students with autism—and she shares these thoughts as we prepare for a Youth Leadership seminar on April 8.

 

“I never really thought about students with Autism and how it affected my ministry. Then, I met Lisa and her son Ben. I learned from them the reality that most families with Autism don’t feel welcomed in churches. They also don’t feel like church is a safe place for their students to be a part of youth group. This broke my heart. I am in the business of trying to make ALL students feel safe and to create a welcoming environment that ALL students can be a part of.

At that moment I had a decision to make – I could keep ignoring this increasing issue, or I could choose to deal with it head-on, even when no one else was willing to.

I chose the latter, and I continue to choose it each week.

It is not easy. It often times takes extra time, extra meetings, and extra love. These choices though are creating a place, an environment, and a community for students that struggle to find them anywhere else.

Consider joining me and Lisa for a conversation about what this looks like to integrate students into your ministry that have Autism; where they can be successful and where they find a place to belong.  I look forward to continuing the conversation with you.”

Let’s talk.  

The Risk of Going Deeper

I have been hanging around youth ministry for a LONG time now, and one thing that has remained true over the years is that youth workers are fun.  We know how to laugh, we know how to eat lots of pizza, stay up late and hang out with students.  We aren't the boring adults that kids hate to be around.  In fact, some of you have stayed in youth ministry because the thought of going to adult Sunday School terrifies you!! 

I have always liked that about us.  We are fun.  Kids like us.  We are a party waiting to happen.

And that might be the problem.

Fun is great--but fun does not create disciples.  Fun does not draw a young person into the spiritual place where God can speak in a whisper and catch their attention.  Fun does not open the soul. 

Now, before you think I have turned into an old theological geezer, please hear me out.  Fun can be a great opening and create a caring, inviting atmosphere in youth ministry.  I am all for fun.  But, the problem is that sometimes we don't take the risk of going deeper and consider how we might challenge kids in the spiritual arena of their lives.  We don't build something on our atmosphere--we simply enjoy the relationships and activity in the room.

Too often youth ministry has become a program that meets at the "lowest common denominator."  We don't want to offend or go too deep in youth group, so we often just skim the surface with a little God talk, a spiritual nugget and a small group led by the most vocal teenager in the room.  We lose sight of the real vision for our ministry by falling prey to the affirmation syndrome--which is the downfall of most fun, extroverted youth workers. 

So, what can we do with those teenagers who might actually want to go deeper?  How do we create a fun atmosphere that might also include spiritual challenges and deeper opportunities?  How do you raise the bar on your youth group without joining the "Jesus Marines."? 

That may be the key question in youth ministry right now.  If we are going to build a faith that sticks--that doesn't become part of the drop-out statistic--what elements are required?  How do you lovingly confront spiritual apathy and call teenagers to actually have their faith shape them and lead them?  How do you give them biblical perspectives and information that is more than a flannel-graph Jesus who is nice to children?

I would love to hear what you think.  We will be wrestling with this at the next Youth Leadership 3 Hour Seminar on March 14th.  It would be good to hear your thoughts--here in this blog or at the seminar if you can make it.

Take a risk of going deeper--it really is the key issue of our ministry isn't it?

Peace,
Tiger

Messy Families in a Messy World

Family Ministry continues to be a major theme in youth ministry these days. It is an important reality--parents are the primary influence in the lives of children and teenagers. Youth workers need to understand and appreciate this reality in many different ways. The "old days" of youth ministry as an isolated silo of frantic activity led by super-cool, young youth leaders has been attacked and buried in most churches. So, Family Ministry is the vogue. Or "Household Ministry", or "Inter-generational Ministry", or "Birth and Beyond"...

But, I wonder as I listen to the words and images. I hear some nice ideas about the family being the church and the parents being the priests. I hear images of faithful parents who buy our devotional resources and have significant faith conversations around the table and prayer times before bed. I listen to stories of how our books, folders, models will build families and raise connected kids.

And then I wonder again. Really? Is that where the pendulum has swung? Are we creating models and images that react against the old youth ministry model--or are we honestly speaking to the reality of our world today? Reaction against something is not always a good indicator of a clear vision. And, I would suggest that a model of family ministry that does not honestly address the messiness in many families will only create nice seminars--not clear family ministry.      

I am simply calling for language and models that speak to the complex reality in our families and in our churches. Messy families don't always fit into the Deuteronomy model. They don't always lead in the spiritual realm--or even have a spiritual realm in their household. It is critical that leaders and churches understand the actual families they minister to, not the ideal model often given in the handbook. Communication patterns in messy families need to be understood in order to minister to the kids growing up in those systems. Messages in messy families may actually be contradicting what we are teaching in our children's and youth ministry--and to pretend differently is to miss the real context.

While parents are the primary influencer on their children, we must acknwoledge that this influence may not be positive. Sounds obvious, but I often miss it when I hear the family ministry conversations going on. If the parents ARE the proactive Christian influence in the family, then they are the church---and we can take a much more supportive role. If they feel inadequate and really are fearful of leading their family in the spiritual realm, then our role is much more motivational, supportive and educational. However, if the parents have no faith to share--or contradict what we teach--then we need to have a clear vision for our ministry role.

Let's be sure of one thing. No matter what the family system--OUR job is to share the Good News about Jesus to the next generation. There will always be a need for excellent, age-appropriate, distinct ministry to young people. Let's not lose that passion in the midst of the new family language. Every messy family needs help, and the church is positioned to be this sort of help. We are most helpful when we work hard to understand the families, adjust our ministry models to represent our assessment, support and encourage parents while loving and teaching their children about Jesus.

What are some of your thoughts when it comes to this real-world, messy ministry to youth AND families? I'd love to hear.