End of the year thoughts

As we start 2011, there are many people reflecting on the “best” and the “worst” of this past year. I’ve read their thoughts on movies, music, TV, etc. I will not follow this vein, but I want to return to blogging with some thoughts as we start another year. So, in no particular order, here they are:

1. Leadership is a crazy mixture of the fun, the joyful and the really tough stuff.

For some reason, God has had me in leadership most of my adult life. I titled this blog “I should have been fired” because I am acutely aware of so many mistakes I have made over the years!! But, I am thinking again about how tough it is on youth ministry leaders because leadership simply is hard sometimes. Yes, it is a lot of fun in places—let’s admit it. We get to have loose schedules, work with great kids, eat lots of pizza, etc. But, I have been a follower and I have been a leader---and leadership is always harder. It puts us in the eye of the storm—whether that is a storm of our own making or simply by being part of a church or organization. Or, it might be simply that life is hard for those we minister to—and we get caught up in the pain of it all.

It is hard. So, do what you have to do to stay healthy. Hang in there. Breathe.

2. I am increasingly tired of simple answers and over-promises.

Complexity and tensions are tiring because it seems like we just wade through the muck of no answers. But, the addiction to simple answers increasingly frustrates me. Really? It will all be better with this one program, resource, weekend or pill? We intuitively know this can’t work….but we seem to be addicted to it all. Simple answers just sound so good to a tired, complex, frustrating world.
On the other end are the over-promises of ministry leaders and organizations. We all have been taught that marketing is the key—but, do we really need to go this far? Do we really need to make it sound like our ministry, our church; our organization is the answer to ALL your ministry problems? Cmon…

3. The economy is on everyone’s mind.

Yes, I know we are all spiritual and are here to simply serve God. Yet, I have seen the real implication of the recession as churches have cut staff, reduced programs and cut continuing education budgets. It is hitting churches and related organizations like Youth Leadership. It is real and we often don’t know how to talk about it.

4. The “youth and family ministry” buzzword is only adding stress to people.

While I fully acknowledge the value of ministry to families, I think we haven’t defined this target very well---and front-line people with unbelievably vague job descriptions are saddled with too many responsibilities without clarity. It is killing lots of folks.

And, behind it all, is a general frustration with what to DO with parents. How do we get them involved when they just want to drop their kids off for a little God on Wednesday? How do we really equip them for this complicated task of parenting when we often don’t feel equipped ourselves? How does the whole staff get involved in this goal and not just one person with “family” in their job description?

5. David Crowder or (insert your ministry hero here) may actually be your worst enemy!!

We are addicted to big names in ministry right now. And, it might be stealing our souls as leaders. We are waiting for this person to tell us what to do, how to do it, why we should do it…..and we have lost the joy of not knowing what we are doing!! Too often, I see leaders simply copying their hero—and not adapting it for their own context or personal strengths. We all have watched a worship leader painfully destroy a Crowder song haven’t we? But, handing out worksheets by (insert name) without adapting or evaluating them is just as painful.

Try a new thing, be willing to fail and get know your kids really well. Then, you can steal and adapt instead of just copying.

So, we head into 2011. I pray that you will hear the whisper of God in the midst of all the noise and activity around you. Listen for His passionate love for you, His relentless grace for you and His unique blessings He offers you.

God bless,

Tiger

Change is never neutral

Leadership is about the business of change—we think about it, talk about it, preach about it and are always looking for it. Without knowing it, change is a core aspect of what it means to be a leader. We are asking individuals, groups, churches and organizations to do something different—to CHANGE.

Think about it. How much of your preaching, teaching, study groups, visioning meetings, leadership planning has change in there somewhere? We want kids to think differently, act differently, be more caring, less hostile, read more, swear less, etc, etc. We want our churches to evangelize more, be more inviting, be less rigid, be more caring, drink better coffee, etc.

We are always thinking and talking about change. But, I would like to suggest something that we may forget. It is a simple phrase I never let go of:

CHANGE IS NEVER NEUTRAL

NEVER.

I don’t care if YOU think it is a great idea and are excited about it—to really implement ANY change is difficult. It costs something and it is why most of us talk about change in other people but do so little changing ourselves. Let’s be honest—we all resist change. That’s why most of us have quit making new years resolutions!!

And, it gets harder as you go from:
Changing your mind to Changing your attitudes to Changing your behavior to Changing institutional behavior.

Each level gets increasing complicated. Simple declarations and yelling at people just don’t seem to produce change—yet, we keep going back to these.

CHANGE IS NEVER NEUTRAL

Here are four mistakes young leaders often make when it comes to leading change that I would like for you to consider.

1. Only listening to the innovators. These are the creative people (a VERY small minority) who LOVE change. They stand in line for the iPhone4 and love your new ideas. But, they are weird…so you can’t only listen to them!!
2. Forgetting how important VISION is. You must declare the reason, the goal and the hoped for outcome of any change attempt. If THAT doesn’t capture them, the change will fall apart.
3. Not building a guiding coalition. If you want to lead change in an organization, you must get a wide variety of key people to buy into it, invest in it, and consistently preach it. Without this, your singular efforts will fall on deaf ears after a short while.
4. Taking resistance personally. We often see people’s resistance to change as a personal attack—instead of seeing it as a natural part of the human condition. We need to give a safe place to discuss the successes—and the failures—we have experienced as we all try to change. Without this safety, we all learn to fake it and pretend we are changing.

So, have I lost my idealism about change? No, not at all. I still believe that God is in the business of changing people. “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation….and for helping people live righteously.” (my paraphrase of Rom. 1:16-17) God is calling us to change. I believe in it.

But, let’s not let our idealism get in the way of our practicality. Change is tough. We need to love people while they struggle with change, resist change and fall down in their attempts to change. Keep calling them back to the grace of God—but don’t stop CALLING them to something….to change. It is a great tension of the gospel.

Now…go change something.

Adrenaline masks pain way better than Percocet!!

This post does not have direct leadership application. There is no deep point to be uncovered—it is just too soon to pull anything out yet, but I need to share an experience.

If you have been paying attention, you know I have had a tough year with pain and surgeries. I learned a new lesson yesterday: Adrenaline masks pain way better than Percocet. Man, the body is amazing. AND, I got my miracle—even though it wasn’t the one I had been praying for. The miracle? I am alive.

Let me explain. I was the solo rider in a hotel shuttle on Sunday morning. We got onto the main road—a 4 lane road with stoplights. Just after getting up to speed the driver mentioned that he had a “neurological condition” and didn’t feel well. The next thing I knew—my driver was completely passed out!! I mean OUT COLD….no response at all.

Driver’s foot on the accelerator. 50 miles per hour. Car ahead. Non responsive driver. 4 elements that quickly caught my attention. I had to grab the steering wheel and avoid the car in front of us as we passed them. I managed to use my freshly operated on shoulder to pull his foot off the accelerator and put the transmission in neutral to help us slow down. In the meantime, we have gone through a stoplight—that was, fortunately, still green.

(My next decision as I see another stoplight coming up was a commitment to get this thing stopped.) As I noticed the next upcoming red stoplight, and blood pumped faster through my newly operated on heart, my commitment to get this thing stopped increased. The vehicle was an SUV with a floor console and bucket seats, yet I managed to climb over the console, sit on top of the driver—between him and the steering wheel—and hit the brake pedal, pull over to the side of the road and get the vehicle into park.

WHEW….I have to tell you that the adrenaline was running strong through the body. Lately, I have struggled with picking up anything, twisting in any way and grabbing anything with my hand. To be honest, I’m actually having physical pain while I type this. But, for a few minutes I was grabbing the wheel, pulling on a pants leg, and climbing over seats in a car. The body is amazing—to think we produce a chemical way better than what I bought at CVS.

This was a shuttle ride to remember. We both survived and I thanked God for the day. I mean, I REALLY was thankful…not just the Christian buzz phrase. I got my miracle…

Here is where my staff and I disagree on how to end the story. The true ending is that “buddy” came to, I drove the rest of the way to the airport, made sure he was ok and promised to call him later that day. And yes, I made my flight. People I tell this story to can’t believe I didn’t call 911 or this guy’s boss or SOMEONE! All I can say is that this seems to be business as usual for me. I joke that I’m good in crisis but not much else, and after I made my young driver promise he would call his doctor, I gave him a fatherly lecture on how to deal with his chronic condition. Next time, he simply needs to recognize his trigger symptoms faster!

I’m still trying to figure this one out. But I’m glad to be here and I look forward to what God has next.

Confidently Confused--Part Two

Another gap in the blog. Silence that says something—he either lacks discipline, has lost interest or something else that has taken over his life.

In this case it is the latter…and it moves me further along my journey with confident confusion. I wrote about this earlier, and the phrase continues to follow me. I have never had a season so filled with physical pain, limitations and reminders of my frailty. I am not a fan of any of these things—and I have prayed many times for God to help. I am an independent person, and this season has been a tough one for me. While there has been improvement over these past months, it just hasn’t been the miracle I have been looking for.

My wife got the miracle!!! Coming back from a mission trip, her group needed a miracle to get through security and make the connecting flight back home. (They were late returning from the BEACH, no less.) We talked on the phone and it was not looking good—but, sure enough, they flew through a wide open security line and found that their plane was at one of the closest gates at the Miami airport. 10 minutes from curb to gate!!! AMAZING. She claims a miracle from God!!

Very cool. And, I believe it. God IS at work in ways that surprise us. I am confident of this or I would believe less in the possibility of transformation in people’s lives. God is active, alive, loving and surprising us. God gets us through security lines. God touches our lives.

Then, I wake up this morning in pain again. Not progress….but regression. I take a break from typing this blog to try to shake out the pain in my forearm that grips me within a few minutes. I endured the reality of heart surgery in April, shoulder surgery in May and now a spinal fusion in a few short weeks. NONE of these things make me smile and say “thanks.”

The ministry of Youth Leadership has also experienced financial struggles this year. Programmatically, things are going well, but some funding requests were denied that meant a fiscal year in the “red”. We prayed hard for wisdom in setting this budget, direction in managing it and specifically for God to bless our efforts to meet it. But, in the end, nothing miraculous happened.

This is my point: Following Jesus is just not as clear as we want to make it. There are not formulas that work for everyone, rules that work for every parent, worksheets that explain every theological dilemma or answers to every question. And, if we are honest, that is a real pain in the neck for us.

The gap in the blog is part of my journey. I hope to revive some weekly thoughts for you. Thanks for the comments and personal notes you have sent. Can you relate to this struggle to find the ‘miracle’? Where are the stress points for you as a leader as you teach about your confidences while remain confused as a disciple? Where do you go with your doubts? Let me know—and we can both grow in our confident confusion.

It's been a while

I was going to just try to jump in and begin this blog again--pretending that the gap of the last month didn't really happen. I was going to share something inspirational or humorous and we would just go on. I don't want to make this whole blogging thing another, longer version of Twitter. (The most egocentric invention ever)

But, the gap of a month is fairly obvious--even if you are the vast majority that doesn't really care if I post with legalistic commitment every week. It begs the question: "What the heck have you been up to?" So, rather than ignore it, I suppose it is necessary to acknowledge it.

Leadership involves living with the urgent demands of things while working on the important things that may not scream for our attention. It is a constant struggle to balance these things. The urgent things may not be important--they just might be loud and grab your attention. The important things often don't scream at you--but they need to be addressed. Of course, if you procrastinate long enough, then the important thing WILL scream...and it is a terrifying noise at that point!!

Urgent and Important. Discerning which is which is a leadership skill. The urgent AND important must be addressed right now with energy and clarity. This is not negotiable and is often defined as a crisis. The important and not urgent needs discipline to focus on--these require commitment. These are things like spiritual growth, relationships, exercise, etc. We know these--but often let them slide.

The past month has been a huge lesson in this issue of urgent and important. My struggles with pain have been urgent and affected many areas of my life. (Including the time I could take sitting in front of a computer). But, it has also reminded me of the important things along the journey. These are not new things or new lessons, but small reminders of how much God wants us to address the IMPORTANT things in our relationship with Him, ourselves, our family and our friends.

Pain is a tiring companion. But, I have not walked it alone. I have appreciated the care and concern from friends and family. We simply can't walk this journey alone. We need others to help us discern the important from the urgent. Think about these two--and strategies you need to develop to separate them in your life and your calendar.

God bless,
Tiger

The power of discouragement

"What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement." – Napoleon Hill

All leaders wrestle with discouragement at some point in the journey. Sometimes it is after a committee meeting that saps your energy, or a meeting with an angry parent, or seeing that young person you have invested in slip away. It makes you wonder why you are doing this thing…and whether it really makes any difference.

I am not talking about depression—that deep, dark place that has clinical and medical implications. That is discouragement that has taken over and develops into something powerful and sinister. I am also not talking about the fleeting anger at a frustrating moment or person. I want to address this issue of discouragement—that place where we feel our energy is being sapped by too much output without any “rewards.” Discouragement is a very real issue that is often not talked about.

Too often, we think it will just pass. We just need to have a good quiet time tomorrow and we will feel better. But, discouragement is something to be faced and wrestled with. The Bible is filled with leaders who wrestled with the dark cloud that follows leaders—men like David, Job, and Jeremiah.

Some would say it all is Satan’s attack—and I certainly think that is true at times. Someone has said: “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will work to make you discouraged.” Certainly, discouragement saps the energy and focus from a Christian leader. It pulls us from God’s call to something much more personal and self-centered. Discouragement sucks the life out of us.

Others might say it is simply a sign of our egocentric personalities and our sin nature—which also holds truth. Or, it might be a consequence of other people’s actions…or lack of action. In any case, its effects are real. I would like to propose a couple of ideas as one who has wrestled with this more than once.

1. Name it: to pretend you aren’t discouraged is to lose any chance at letting others help you. Often a discouraged leader simply has lost sight of the vision of ministry—and holding that in will only make it worse.

2. Don’t Give Up: A season of discouragement is a terrible place to make major decisions. A leader needs to work through the season, find the causes and work on solutions before you try to make any major decisions about ministry.

3. Work on the Wide View: This is easy to say, but is crucial. Prayer and personal support can help a discouraged leader see the “God view” of things. Discouragement pulls you in and steals your perspective—find ways to back up, slow down and see another angle.

Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Good words to all of us.

What works for you when you are discouraged? How do you work through these seasons? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hang in there!!

“The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me’, or ‘Help me.’” Billy Graham

Confidently Confused

If you noticed--it has been two weeks since my last post. If you noticed--I am impressed!! The reason is that this past week has been a tough one. I found out on February 26 that I have a blood clot in a vein in my left arm. I was in a lot of pain, had to give myself injections twice a day for 5 days and pretty tired all of last week, so the thought of getting in front of a computer and blogging just didn't work for me.

I recovered enough to go on our Senior High Winter Retreat with my church. (That is for another post!!) The topic was prayer--and I came up with a phrase that summarizes much of my spiritual life and prayer: I am "Confidently Confused"

con•fi•dent –adjective

1. having strong belief or full assurance; sure.

con•fused -adjective

1. perplexed or bewildered

Although not often used together, let me suggest that following Jesus often includes both of these things. Even the disciples in Acts 2:12 got into the mix: "Amazed and perplexed, they asked each other, 'What does that mean'?"

I am confident that what is happening is of God. He has his hand in my life and I have often experienced a peace that I can’t quite describe. I often have a full assurance that all the details of my life, leadership and ministry will work out. I am sure of God's blessing and full of confidence in the promises of God. Just when the talk is about to sound like "The Bourne Supremacy" and everything macho, I am aware of how little I know. I become confident only that I am confused.

I am confused because God works in ways I could never have imagined. I am confused because it’s not what I expected. I didn't see the blood clot coming--just as we were starting a "30 Days of Prayer for Youth Leadership." I don't see the big picture of a loss of a brother-in-law, a heart disease, struggles in the leadership world, an upcoming surgery, and significant pain issues. I don’t know how this all will play out, and that is sometimes confusing. The process of following Jesus is often confusing, but it continues to make me confident in the awesomeness of God.

It feels good to be confidently confused.

It forces me to remember who is in charge and enjoy watching God at work. Maybe I am getting more comfortable admitting the confusion--which we often hide in our churches. It doesn't mean I preach my doubts, but I am not afraid of them as much. A strong leader is not necessarily without confusion, but a strong leader knows his/her confidences.

Hang in there on the journey. Build on your confidences and the promises of God, but admit the areas of weakness. God is at work in both.

Peace,
Tiger