The Advent of Kate Middleton's Baby

The news spread fast--Kate Middleton is having a baby. Over 1/2 million people searched for news about this on Google this past Monday. It will be BIG news over these next 9 months. All the media people camped out in front of the palace for any current news or updates. The WORLD will be watching this one. It is the Advent of a Future King. It is big news. And we all love (hate) a media circus, don't we? What a great backdrop to the Christmas story. According to our friends at Wikipedia, "Advent is a season observed in many Western Christian churches as a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus." Simply, it is a time of joyful waiting--of expectation. The Kate Middleton baby will be anticipated. (They are already making pregnant Kate ceramic dolls for the occasion!!) This will be an advent with great pomp and circumstance. And then, we have this familiar--but radical--story of God sneaking His son into this world with NO fanfare. NO kingly connections or visibility. NO protection or exclusion from the ordinary. Jesus was brought right into the midst of the messiness of this world. The stable with animals and loneliness declares a vision of God's method. And it really doesn't make much sense to world that continues to have a "ladder" mentality to the value of people.

God chose to bring His son into the world in a very effective disguise--the disguise of a weak, dependent, innocent baby. Nobody would have caught this one...and only a few got in on the majesty of it all. And, it all started with the shepherds--an image that doesn't fit for most of us in urban settings. All we know is that Kate Middleton's baby will not be visited first by smelly farmers or shepherds!! It just doesn't work in the palace model of kingship. But, God chose the shepherds as the first-hearers of this incredible news. "God has skin on--and it is laying in a manger for you to see. You can come. God has broken INTO this world. He is not aloof. He is here. He is Immanuel--God with us." I wonder how we can help young people actually HEAR this amazing news. How can we help them understand that God has always been pursuing His people...loving them...and surprising them with His strategy. What will you do this year to break free from the glazed look--and help your young people encounter an incredible truth that could set them free? May the message of God's Advent catch your attention more than the Royal Pregnancy. Peace, Tiger

I Gotta Do More

I just got off the phone with one of our certification students and found us talking about a subject that shows up for so many leaders. It is this sneaky suspicion that I am just not doing enough. I must be busier to prove my worth. It is the mantra of our culture right now--ask almost anyone how they are doing, and you will find "Oh, I am really busy" somewhere in the answer. It is our drug of choice in the christian world. I can relate. This addiction to activity has been one of my pitfalls of leadership. There is something that is wired into many of us that busyness is the proof of our value--and the church will affirm this addiction all the way to your funeral. They love those of us who can't do enough, who won't say NO, and who refuse to slow down. They worry a little about us, but secretly hope we don't find any antedote to the disease because they love our frantic efforts and full schedule. This past month was the last month of Youth Leadership's fiscal year. It is the month that pushes all my "gotta do more" tendencies. It's the time when the voices creep up all over again: "The financial bottom line is dependent on my activity" "If we are going to make it--it is up to me" "I need to stay later, make more calls, send more emails and make sure it all works out". And, God is left in the back seat again. 

Youth ministry can feed this "gotta do more" syndrome is so many ways. There are expectations everywhere--from kids, parents, staff, and the broader church community. There are job descriptions that are so vague and include everything except bus maintenance that feed this feeling like I am just not doing enough. How can we stop? How can we beat the voices that whisper to us? How can we NOT feel guilty when we actually take a Sabbath? Now, let me say that I am not suggesting that you will ever make youth ministry into a tight, manageable 45 hour a week job. That just won't happen. Youth ministry is not a job--it is a lifestyle. And there are simply crazy parts to that lifestyle. But, I am convinced the lifestyle doesn't need to dangerous to our health, our spiritual life and our relationships. It CAN be managed. It can be lived out in a healthy way. So, what do you do to stay healthy, hang in there and not feel guilty? I would love to hear any ideas...because my addiction is sneaking back up on me. I gotta finish and run off to a meeting!!! See you later.

Hope is not a strategy

I love phrases. They help put big ideas into a sentence that can be remembered. I have a list of them--some I have created, some I have stolen, and some I have no idea where they came from!!

This one is one of my favorites: Hope is not a strategy. Every parent I know of hopes that their kid turns out well. They hope their kids keep going to church and make good decisions. Every parent hopes their kids are "happy"--whatever that means. (That's another blog...) Every youth worker hopes their ministry impacts kids and helps them. Every church hopes that they make a difference. And the hopes go on. But, remember...Hope is not a strategy. God bless you for your good feelings, but it won't really matter in the end if you don't build some intentionality into your hope. More parents need intentionality. More youth ministries need a strategy to go with their energy. More churches need clarity and intentionality to add to their busyness. Intentionality does not mean you lose all spontaneity. It doesn't mean you become super-organized and a Type-A personality. What I am talking about is simply being clearer about WHY we are doing things and WHAT we are hoping will happen because we are doing them. This issue of relying on our hopes is creating a culture of ministry and parenting that is based solely on our feelings. That may help to create some sense of "we care" about our kids--but it loses any chance of actually being strategic. In the process, we are losing so many of our young people to a culture that is relentlessly pursuing them. Depending your your study, we are losing between 40 to 60 percent of the teenagers who are presently involved with our youth ministries--but will be disengaged from church life, and their faith, by the time they hit their late teens and emerging adulthood. And, this is NOT A DETOUR--this is the EXIT RAMP from church and faith life. This is incredibly significant. And hoping it will change will do nothing. Until parents and churches begin to strategically address this issue, the slide away from church and faith will only continue. I am not a pessimist by nature, but this one is serious. What can parents do? What can churches and youth ministries do? What WILL we do? My dream is that it is more than hoping....In fact, I will be doing an event on Monday night, May 21 at Cornerstone Church in Crystal, MN where we will be discussing this issue. If you are in town, join us. The information in on the Youth Leadership website. Here is to your action steps. Start somewhere. Do something. I'd like to hear what you think.

An Unnamed Issue Can't Be Beat

Brian sat in front of me trying to put words to his struggle. He looked at his shoes, started 4 or 5 different sentences, and looked like he was in real pain. It was hard to watch, but it was an essential part of the process. Brian had to figure out a way to NAME the issue he was wrestling with. He had to hear himself say it out loud....because that is the key step to resolving the issue.

I have personally experienced this struggle--and watched scores of folks do the same thing. Now, it has become a mantra for me in both counseling and coaching--you have to learn to name the issue if you have any chance of dealing with it. It goes like this: "An unnammed issue is almost always undefeatable. A named issue has a chance to be defeated." I see leaders all the time who won't start the journey. They keep it all silent. They hold onto the hope that they can work it out without having to admit it out loud to someone. They are lost. They can't win. I grew up in an alcholic family where we learned the survival rule of "Don't Talk". It was built into my DNA as a survivor--and then I became a young, Christian leader. And, I carried that rule right into my leadership life...and found that people liked that about me. I didn't whine about my feelings or drain them by sharing my struggles all the time. I just moved on and worked hard. Good stuff by outside standards..and a land mine on the inside. I finally stepped on the land mine and it was not pretty. Naming the issue is tough--but, it is essential. When you are working with people, watch for the power of giving them a safe, graceful place where they can figure out and name the struggle in their life, their world and their soul. You also need to find that safe place where YOU can name the issue (or issues) that trip you up. By the way--we ALL have issues. Let's not try to pretend otherwise. I mean NAME it--not just think about it. I may sound unspiritual, but I also mean to not just pray about it. Those two things are important, but healing comes when you SAY it out loud to at least one other person. You have to have your ears hear your mouth confess it, admit it, announce it or cry about it. You have to NAME it out loud. That's when healing begins.

So, joint the messy club of leaders with issues. But, only join if you are ready to name it. The key is to find the healthy, safe place to do this hard work. It should not be your youth group, your co-leaders, a person of the opposite gender or someone on your personnel committee!! Find your place, find your safe person and take a deep breath.....and NAME it. By the way---afterwards, read a few Psalms to join the club of honest, faithful people who have questions, struggles, pain and unresolved anger. Good luck.

Excuses for not writing

Friends,

I am back...really, I am. It has been a long time since my last post. One comment to me was, "If you have a blog, then BLOG." Pretty succinct. So, here are my excuses...(by the way--you will see that these are not just MY excuses--they are excuses I see leaders using all the time.)

1. I have been super-busy. This is a great excuse because it helps us feel important. The urgent things have taken over my life and I can't seem to get off the treadmill. I feel it all the time--and I hear it at every meeting I go to.

2. I am a procrastinator. Ah, the shrugged shoulders that excuses everything. I'm sorry, I just let things go and this got away from me. It IS true by the way--I AM a procrastinator. I have become addicted to the pressure that comes from delaying things. I am writing this late in the day while I know I have to rush off to a meeting...

3. I am an initiator. This is another "strength-finder" approach to excusing behavior. It says that I am gifted at getting things started, but not energized by maintaining things or keeping them going. While it may be true--it just isn't an excuse to NOT follow through on your good ideas. Life is full of the mundane things. Deal with it.

4. I have no discipline. OK, this is a really big one for me. It is true. I don't. It is only one weakness that affects about 90 different areas of my life--from friendships to spiritual growth and everything in between. Blogging requires discipline--and that is in short supply these days. Welcome to leadership for many of us. If you wait for discipline to land on your doorstep before you work at your discipline--it just won't happen.

5. "Do I have anything to say?" This is my self-doubt excuse. It has many forms in leadership, but it is the voice that causes us to be insecure, pull-back, avoid conflict or not stand up for our values. It is the self-doubt that saps the leader's ability to speak up. I hear it all the time--and it is one of the reasons I don't blog every Monday like I had planned.

As I said, these 5 excuses are mine. But, I am pretty sure many of you have heard those same excuses--or similar ones--roll around in your head. How do you deal with the excuses you make up? How do you work through them? Are there others that steal your focus and energy? As usual, I would love to hear from you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. God bless

Happy New Year

After a long summer absence, I think it is time to get back to this blog. If you noticed the absence, then I am honored. If not, well—join the busy club!!

As we head into the fall, I am reminded that THIS has always been my New Year. January 1st has never held much for me except the turning of a calendar page and writing the wrong year on my checks (back when we had those paper checks) for a month or so.

As a youth worker, this is when new programs start, new leaders step up to the plate, new kids enter the program and new ideas are attempted. Fall is the start of everything new. This is true from a parent’s perspective as well—each child moves into a new school experience and the year feels different from last spring. And, of course, for kids—this is a new year as well. Some step into a new school, enter middle school for the first time, finally hit high school or are going off to college. It is all new—and new things are both exciting and a bit scary.

So, as your programs hit a new rhythm; and as your kids experience new things; and as families find something new this fall—my question is, “What’s new with YOU?”. Is all the new stuff just on the calendar….in the programs….and on the outside? Youth ministry is becoming addicted to a dizzying array of programs, speakers, rallies, conventions and anything with David Crowder. It is fairly easy to crank up something in these areas, but it may be tougher to hit the reset button in your personal or spiritual life.

In the midst of the craziness, leaders often forget to find time to connect to something new in their soul….and the pressure to fake it gets bigger and bigger. We have to stay with Jesus and find the space we need to listen…really listen to our souls.

It is a new year. I know we don’t make many New Year resolutions any more—but I wonder about each leader’s need to hit the reset button once in a while. What do you need to do this year that will keep you more focused—and more intentional in the hidden areas of your life? What do you need to start this fall to help you soul? What do you need to STOP doing to renew your spirit?

I wish I could give you 5 easy steps to having a great new year. That’s what we love in American Christianity today. But, I am just not there. Find your own answer to the healing you need. Don’t rush past it to the next program. Breathe….and wonder what you might need to do this year to have a really good year.

God bless…

The Struggle of Disappointment

Every leader will have to face the issue of disappointment. It is unavoidable because life and ministry never goes completely as we had hoped. The dictionary says that disappoint is: 1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down 2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc); frustrate; thwart

Sound familiar? Have you ever had kids fail to meet your expectations or hopes? Welcome to disappointment. How about that parents meeting you were so prepared for? We all work for imperfect churches or systems, so they result in times where we feel "let down", or they frustrate us with the roadblocks to our ideas. Welcome to disappointment.

The problem is that most leaders are ill-equipped to handle disappointment. We often are idealists--and can take the failure of expectations as a personal attack on our leadership. Disappointment is tiring...and discouraging. And leaders often don't know what to do with these feelings. So, we march on and pretend that we are o.k.

Of course, that works for a while--but, it always comes back to bite us. I have seen leaders leave a church thinking they were leaving the cause of disappointment, but the next church had new pockets of imperfection. We can't escape it.

And, what about when the disappointment is with God? THEN, it really gets tricky. We have a real hard time with this one. What if we feel like God isn't keeping His end of the bargain--How do we name that one? Kids aren't changing, attitudes still stink, the money isn't coming in, leaders aren't showing up, etc. We pray--but it still seems to be the same.

Oh, we can sound spiritual and pretend if we want. But, sometimes, we simply are disappointed with God. I am not talking about anger at God--rejection of God--or feeling like He isn't answering our prayers. I am talking about this sense that God COULD do more--and simply isn't for some reason.

Disappointment with God--and with aspects of ministry--has been in the forefront of my life over these past 16 months. As many know, I have struggled with pain every day since January of 2010. 3 surgeries, a blood clot, a swollen hand and now recurring pain in my hands and wrists make the simplest things extremely difficult. I have prayed. Friends have prayed. My church has prayed. People have laid hands on me. Yet, the outcome is not what I have hoped for. I am disappointed.

You can lay the guilt on me if you want--unconfessed sin, impure attitudes, etc. But, it doesn't work any more. It simply is.....I am disappointed. I am not giving up, preaching my doubts or walking away. I am simply naming the truth. We all are disappointed at times.

So, what do YOU do with this? How do YOU handle the reality that life, ministry, your job, parents, staff, your family, health, etc. doesn't always go the way that you want? What resources keep you faithful in the midst of disappointment? And, how/where can you be honest with all of this?

Every leader struggles with disappointment. How about you?

The Achilles Heel of the Leader

Every person—and every leader—has to come to grips with the reality of a recurring weakness that trips them up again and again. We can do our “Strength Finders” and name our personality assets—all of which is an important issue for a healthy leader. Work and lead out of your strengths—name the assets you bring to the table—and thank God for helping to shape you and develop you.

But leaders must also learn to be painfully honest. We just don’t seem to get it. We trip over a weakness…a personality flaw…a sinful character trait…or something we can’t quite name yet. EVERY leader I know has lived with this reality. The ones who are healthy and finish well are not those who don’t have the flaw—they are leaders who have admitted the flaw and keep it in the battle zone.

To pretend we have moved past the Achilles heel of our leadership is to invite trouble. We don’t address it, so it can sneak up on us again. The enemy of your soul can—and will—use it against you time and again. I understand why we do that…because to keep it in front of us is tiring. It is discouraging. We want so badly to move past it, but there it is again. It sucks.

My blog. My confession. I only have one Achilles heel. Most leaders have more than one. I win—only one. But, this is mine.

I really don’t have any discipline. And, therefore, it has 84 sub points that affect every area of my life—personally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and as a leader. No discipline. My desk is a mess, my procrastination is rampant, my “to do” list is lost, my half-read books are piling up, and it is all old news.

I used to think it was a sign of my youthful energy, relational focus and flexible spirit. Yes, it was. But, it is deeper. It resides in me. I have talked about it, created systems to help deal with it, made sheets to minimize it and hired good people to help me with it. But, IT won’t go away. IT is my Achilles heel.

And you have one too. At least one. Do you know it? Are you working to minimize it? Are you pretending you have moved past it? Pretending won’t help. If you seek to be a leader who navigates the seasons of ministry, then brutal honesty is essential. If you can do that alone—great. But, it is likely you will need to talk out loud with someone about this thing. Have the courage to do that and you are on a healthier road. You will still have IT—but IT won’t own you. Your Achilles heel may still be with you, but you will be able to survive and thrive as a leader.

Peace,
Tiger

The Problem with Oppositional Thinking

I travel across the country and work with people from a wide variety of denominations. I have spoken about how “Vagueness is killing the church” in many of these settings. I have seen well-intentioned people only become clear and passionate when they are describing what they are AGAINST. Too often, we define many things by what they AREN’T. We often are clearer about what we don’t want to be than what we firmly believe in.

Some examples of this kind of thinking are: “I don’t want to be like those Baptist’s because they…” “I hate those ____________ because they ___________...” “Rob Bell is not one of us any more because he ____________.” Opposition is our focus, rather than passion and vision FOR something. I see it all the time in churches and in leadership. It sounds strong and clear, but in fact it often doesn’t go anywhere. It just stays negative. Its reference point is opposition, not clarity.

Vagueness does not produce passion. It leaves us loosely agreeing with something but having no clear understanding of how to live out the ideas. Oppositional thinking is similar because its only focus is the opposing view. Our energy is in the disagreement—not the clear articulation of my hopes, dreams and vision. The political rhetoric of the past year has had much of this flavor. Sadly, churches are not exempt from this kind of dialogue. Most churches—and church leaders—are much clearer on what they DON’T believe than what they actually DO believe.

So, my question for any of you who are leaders is, “What is it you are FOR? What produces passion in you? What are your hoped-for-outcomes? What are your core values?” Naming the things that get us going—in a positive way—is the key to a sustainable leader. Without these things, we are susceptible to the expectations of others, the demands of the job and the newest idea proposed at the convention.

Think hard about your theological and philosophical “big rocks”. What are the hills you really are ready to fight on—because you only have so many and you don’t want to waste them on things that don’t really matter.

May you and I gain clarity in our life and ministry. Not clarity about what other people are doing wrong—but about what we desperately want to work to accomplish. May our passion be positive and inspirational rather than negative and oppositional.

Peace,
Tiger

The Risk of Independence

I am an independent person. My dad taught me to tackle a job, work hard and finish it well. My independent strain has served me well at times. I have limped through tough times, but I have finished. Yes, I see some benefits for the independent spirit.

But, I have continued to see another side to this issue of independence. I have seen how it can lead to isolation. Its external focus on strength can, in fact, lead to an internal weakness because it doesn’t access the power of interdependence. Independence believes that I can do it by myself—but, the gospel continues to challenge us to much more of an interdependent perspective. That’s tough for some of us.

The problem with leadership is that it will affirm your independence all the way to the point of your emotional, relational and physical collapse. And, that is not a good place to be.

I think of Peter as he sat by the fire and denied that he even knew Jesus. That was a tough time for the vocal, committed disciple. He was sure that he would stand with Jesus even if every other one of them fell away…yet, here he was failing to have the strength to follow through. I think there are three reasons why Peter failed….and why independent people like me often fail.

1. He was alone. It’s pretty basic, but Peter was trying to do this all by himself. He was not accessing the power of the group. I have made the same mistake many times—I have just tried to do it myself. In the process, I miss hearing other perspectives, being strengthened by the faith of others, and being challenged to live out my words. He was alone—it sometimes is the kiss of death.

2. He was overconfident. He had told Jesus that He could count on him. Peter was sure he would hang in there until the end. That overconfidence is a great thing in one respect—it builds confidence in the followers. But, if it isn’t reality, then the crash is a big one. I have been there….trust me, it hurts.

3. He was unprepared. He had some idea of what the temptation or scene might look like, but he was clearly unprepared for what it REALLY was like. When he was staring at the eyes of his accuser, all his idealistic strength fell by the wayside. He simply wasn’t ready for the fear that was inside him.

Leadership can put us in places like this. We think we are ready for the conflicts with the parents, the critics in the youth group or the expectations of the staff. But, then reality hits and we find ourselves alone, overconfident and unprepared. It may not result in you denying Jesus, but it might show up in another painful experience.

Work on the interdependence necessary to fight these Peter tendencies. Find those places where you can be honest and face your issues. Yes, it takes some risk and might be scary. But, I can guarantee you that it isn’t as scary as facing your own failure.

Hacking up a Good Quote

I go to a physical therapist at least once a week as a part of my continued recovery. Over the past few months, we have chatted about a number of things--weather, jobs, families, etc. But, as I sat with her this morning, I was reminded again how vagueness is killing the church. We have created a culture where we simply don't know how to talk about our faith in conversational ways. And, we often use a really good quote to support our vagueness.

Even Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers fell into this idea on a video I saw recently. Here is the famous quote from St. Francis of Assisi: "Communicate the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." Sounds good, doesn't it? And then comes the version I heard on the video--and hear all the time. It goes something like this: "Communicate the gospel at all times. Just let your life shine. Let your life communicate the gospel..."

Really? Seriously? My life--your life--is all it takes for people around us to know about God, understand who Jesus is, and begin to incorporate that into their life at all? REALLY? C'mon.....let's be honest. My life isn't that appealing to cover all the elements of the gospel. Sure, I am a nice guy--but destroying a good quote is only a cover for vagueness. It represents our fear of being specific--not a method of effective gospel proclamation.

USE WORDS IF NECESSARY. It is my contention that words ARE necessary. There needs to be an overt link from my actions--however wonderful they might be--and the fact that Christ is the center of it all. The recent study of youth spirituality in the National Study of Youth and Religion tells us that the average teenager has a vague spirituality that they can't articulate in any way. Duh....they get that from us.

My physical therapist is not going to link our conversations about general stuff to the elements of the gospel unless I help create a link....a conversational link. Yes, it is scary, but to think otherwise is to not just hack up a good quote--it is not helpful. So, we have talked about church. I have shown interest in her background, her present family situation, her kids, her questions and listened for her hopes. I have shared some elements of how church and faith have helped me with some of what she has shared. Today, she asked about where I went to church and wrote down the information. Will she come? I don't know. Will her life be transformed? I don't know. I can't control any of that. What I CAN control is creating a link from vagueness to clarity.

How do you use vagueness as an excuse to simply avoid saying something? Are the kids we have contact with understanding the gospel just by being around you? Is your life that convincing? If not, what would it look like to put some words into the formula? Let's keep listening to St. Francis...but be willing to do the whole quote--not just the vague part.

Keep living for Jesus. Use words if necessary!!!

Peace,
Tiger

Change is never neutral

Leadership is about the business of change—we think about it, talk about it, preach about it and are always looking for it. Without knowing it, change is a core aspect of what it means to be a leader. We are asking individuals, groups, churches and organizations to do something different—to CHANGE.

Think about it. How much of your preaching, teaching, study groups, visioning meetings, leadership planning has change in there somewhere? We want kids to think differently, act differently, be more caring, less hostile, read more, swear less, etc, etc. We want our churches to evangelize more, be more inviting, be less rigid, be more caring, drink better coffee, etc.

We are always thinking and talking about change. But, I would like to suggest something that we may forget. It is a simple phrase I never let go of:

CHANGE IS NEVER NEUTRAL

NEVER.

I don’t care if YOU think it is a great idea and are excited about it—to really implement ANY change is difficult. It costs something and it is why most of us talk about change in other people but do so little changing ourselves. Let’s be honest—we all resist change. That’s why most of us have quit making new years resolutions!!

And, it gets harder as you go from:
Changing your mind to Changing your attitudes to Changing your behavior to Changing institutional behavior.

Each level gets increasing complicated. Simple declarations and yelling at people just don’t seem to produce change—yet, we keep going back to these.

CHANGE IS NEVER NEUTRAL

Here are four mistakes young leaders often make when it comes to leading change that I would like for you to consider.

1. Only listening to the innovators. These are the creative people (a VERY small minority) who LOVE change. They stand in line for the iPhone4 and love your new ideas. But, they are weird…so you can’t only listen to them!!
2. Forgetting how important VISION is. You must declare the reason, the goal and the hoped for outcome of any change attempt. If THAT doesn’t capture them, the change will fall apart.
3. Not building a guiding coalition. If you want to lead change in an organization, you must get a wide variety of key people to buy into it, invest in it, and consistently preach it. Without this, your singular efforts will fall on deaf ears after a short while.
4. Taking resistance personally. We often see people’s resistance to change as a personal attack—instead of seeing it as a natural part of the human condition. We need to give a safe place to discuss the successes—and the failures—we have experienced as we all try to change. Without this safety, we all learn to fake it and pretend we are changing.

So, have I lost my idealism about change? No, not at all. I still believe that God is in the business of changing people. “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation….and for helping people live righteously.” (my paraphrase of Rom. 1:16-17) God is calling us to change. I believe in it.

But, let’s not let our idealism get in the way of our practicality. Change is tough. We need to love people while they struggle with change, resist change and fall down in their attempts to change. Keep calling them back to the grace of God—but don’t stop CALLING them to something….to change. It is a great tension of the gospel.

Now…go change something.

It's been a while

I was going to just try to jump in and begin this blog again--pretending that the gap of the last month didn't really happen. I was going to share something inspirational or humorous and we would just go on. I don't want to make this whole blogging thing another, longer version of Twitter. (The most egocentric invention ever)

But, the gap of a month is fairly obvious--even if you are the vast majority that doesn't really care if I post with legalistic commitment every week. It begs the question: "What the heck have you been up to?" So, rather than ignore it, I suppose it is necessary to acknowledge it.

Leadership involves living with the urgent demands of things while working on the important things that may not scream for our attention. It is a constant struggle to balance these things. The urgent things may not be important--they just might be loud and grab your attention. The important things often don't scream at you--but they need to be addressed. Of course, if you procrastinate long enough, then the important thing WILL scream...and it is a terrifying noise at that point!!

Urgent and Important. Discerning which is which is a leadership skill. The urgent AND important must be addressed right now with energy and clarity. This is not negotiable and is often defined as a crisis. The important and not urgent needs discipline to focus on--these require commitment. These are things like spiritual growth, relationships, exercise, etc. We know these--but often let them slide.

The past month has been a huge lesson in this issue of urgent and important. My struggles with pain have been urgent and affected many areas of my life. (Including the time I could take sitting in front of a computer). But, it has also reminded me of the important things along the journey. These are not new things or new lessons, but small reminders of how much God wants us to address the IMPORTANT things in our relationship with Him, ourselves, our family and our friends.

Pain is a tiring companion. But, I have not walked it alone. I have appreciated the care and concern from friends and family. We simply can't walk this journey alone. We need others to help us discern the important from the urgent. Think about these two--and strategies you need to develop to separate them in your life and your calendar.

God bless,
Tiger

The power of discouragement

"What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement." – Napoleon Hill

All leaders wrestle with discouragement at some point in the journey. Sometimes it is after a committee meeting that saps your energy, or a meeting with an angry parent, or seeing that young person you have invested in slip away. It makes you wonder why you are doing this thing…and whether it really makes any difference.

I am not talking about depression—that deep, dark place that has clinical and medical implications. That is discouragement that has taken over and develops into something powerful and sinister. I am also not talking about the fleeting anger at a frustrating moment or person. I want to address this issue of discouragement—that place where we feel our energy is being sapped by too much output without any “rewards.” Discouragement is a very real issue that is often not talked about.

Too often, we think it will just pass. We just need to have a good quiet time tomorrow and we will feel better. But, discouragement is something to be faced and wrestled with. The Bible is filled with leaders who wrestled with the dark cloud that follows leaders—men like David, Job, and Jeremiah.

Some would say it all is Satan’s attack—and I certainly think that is true at times. Someone has said: “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will work to make you discouraged.” Certainly, discouragement saps the energy and focus from a Christian leader. It pulls us from God’s call to something much more personal and self-centered. Discouragement sucks the life out of us.

Others might say it is simply a sign of our egocentric personalities and our sin nature—which also holds truth. Or, it might be a consequence of other people’s actions…or lack of action. In any case, its effects are real. I would like to propose a couple of ideas as one who has wrestled with this more than once.

1. Name it: to pretend you aren’t discouraged is to lose any chance at letting others help you. Often a discouraged leader simply has lost sight of the vision of ministry—and holding that in will only make it worse.

2. Don’t Give Up: A season of discouragement is a terrible place to make major decisions. A leader needs to work through the season, find the causes and work on solutions before you try to make any major decisions about ministry.

3. Work on the Wide View: This is easy to say, but is crucial. Prayer and personal support can help a discouraged leader see the “God view” of things. Discouragement pulls you in and steals your perspective—find ways to back up, slow down and see another angle.

Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Good words to all of us.

What works for you when you are discouraged? How do you work through these seasons? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hang in there!!

“The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me’, or ‘Help me.’” Billy Graham

Confidently Confused

If you noticed--it has been two weeks since my last post. If you noticed--I am impressed!! The reason is that this past week has been a tough one. I found out on February 26 that I have a blood clot in a vein in my left arm. I was in a lot of pain, had to give myself injections twice a day for 5 days and pretty tired all of last week, so the thought of getting in front of a computer and blogging just didn't work for me.

I recovered enough to go on our Senior High Winter Retreat with my church. (That is for another post!!) The topic was prayer--and I came up with a phrase that summarizes much of my spiritual life and prayer: I am "Confidently Confused"

con•fi•dent –adjective

1. having strong belief or full assurance; sure.

con•fused -adjective

1. perplexed or bewildered

Although not often used together, let me suggest that following Jesus often includes both of these things. Even the disciples in Acts 2:12 got into the mix: "Amazed and perplexed, they asked each other, 'What does that mean'?"

I am confident that what is happening is of God. He has his hand in my life and I have often experienced a peace that I can’t quite describe. I often have a full assurance that all the details of my life, leadership and ministry will work out. I am sure of God's blessing and full of confidence in the promises of God. Just when the talk is about to sound like "The Bourne Supremacy" and everything macho, I am aware of how little I know. I become confident only that I am confused.

I am confused because God works in ways I could never have imagined. I am confused because it’s not what I expected. I didn't see the blood clot coming--just as we were starting a "30 Days of Prayer for Youth Leadership." I don't see the big picture of a loss of a brother-in-law, a heart disease, struggles in the leadership world, an upcoming surgery, and significant pain issues. I don’t know how this all will play out, and that is sometimes confusing. The process of following Jesus is often confusing, but it continues to make me confident in the awesomeness of God.

It feels good to be confidently confused.

It forces me to remember who is in charge and enjoy watching God at work. Maybe I am getting more comfortable admitting the confusion--which we often hide in our churches. It doesn't mean I preach my doubts, but I am not afraid of them as much. A strong leader is not necessarily without confusion, but a strong leader knows his/her confidences.

Hang in there on the journey. Build on your confidences and the promises of God, but admit the areas of weakness. God is at work in both.

Peace,
Tiger

The Tension of Leadership

I often say in my seminars that I have two leadership rules every leader must believe with everything they have.

1. It is NOT about you. This is the key to remembering the truth that this is all about what God is up to. It is God’s work that changes lives, changes hearts and makes our ministries fruitful. A leader must learn to relax and believe this in order to hang in there through the tough seasons of life. It is really not about you.

2. It’s about you. This competing reality is also 100% true—YOU MATTER. Leadership matters. God can do anything, but often He simply chooses to use us in the process—and therefore, we are part of the equation. We can do this poorly, miss opportunities and fail to do our leadership with any degree of effectiveness. It is about you.

I really believe both of these things. The second one is why we do leadership training, coaching and consulting. My life passion is to “educate, equip and encourage leaders in youth and family ministry.” That’s why Youth Leadership exists—because we think leaders matter. But, I never want to fall prey to believing that we carry it all. That is simply not true. But, the tension is the leader’s dilemma.

Let me give you a real-time, practical example. Right now, Youth Leadership is facing a significant financial deficit—the largest since I have been here. We are seeing great energy in our programs, in our evaluations and among our staff. It has been a great year in many respects, yet we are struggling in the financial area. A foundation that had been supporting us for the past three years ended that support last year. Even though we knew it was coming, it has impacted our finances because we haven’t found a source to replace that $35,000. We are struggling.

So, what do we do? What do I do? If I believe only rule #1—we will just trust and pray and continue on our way until May 31st comes. It sounds spiritual, and that is a good thing. If I start to rely only on rule #2—my effort—then, I will work harder, spend more time fundraising, meet with key donors and panic for the next 3 months!!

I am going to try the mix of the two. I am calling friends of Youth Leadership to participate in a “30 Days of Prayer” for YL—to insure that faithful people are praying for wisdom, discernment as we look at a variety of exciting possibilities, and fruit to come from grant proposals we have submitted, etc. Prayer acknowledges the reality that this is NOT about us. I have to admit this need to myself, and friends of YL. (By the way, Paul seemed to be very comfortable asking others to pray for him—but it is often hard for Christian leaders to do the same.)

While these people are praying, we will work on action steps, decisions and meetings. We will work hard while asking God to surprise us. Contradictory? Showing lack of faith? I don’t think so—but it is a valid question. Every leader has to wrestle with this tension. For the next 30 days, it will not be a nice theory for me, it will be my lifestyle. A few words come to mind: STOP. GO. BELIEVE. ACT. LISTEN. SPEAK. TRUST. DO.

Together, let’s live in the tension of trusting God and living out our lives as His children. Let's STOP and pray...then let's GO and act. Anyone else struggle with this tension?

The Power of Silence

Each year I attempt to take 2-3 days for a personal retreat from my normal, busy world. I don’t always succeed—but the routine is a good one. It is not a “super-spiritual” retreat with total silence, only fruit and granola and a Bible. No, I am too worldly for that….

My retreats include three areas: Spiritual, Personal and Ministry. I bring lots of things to “do” in each area—more than I could do in a week of retreats!! But, I live in the tension of the possible, and see what God brings to the surface. I have a computer—and am writing this now as I sit in my room. It is not a total exclusion of the world around me, but the time stops me enough to remind me of some things.

In this tradition is always silence. No radios, TVs, ipods or internet. Silence….that mysterious space we so often avoid. As an extrovert, I process information verbally, grow spiritually in conversations, get energy in connections and simply enjoy interactions with other people. But, as always, we are called into new territory if growth is our real concern. To do the same thing is not always a bad thing—but it is a bad thing to never do a new thing.

And so silence is part of my new thing each year. Not that I don’t do silence during the year—it is just a more intentional, extended, deep and reflective silence I experience here. It draws me and repels me at the same time. My insecurities creep to the surface and begin to whisper in my ear. My hurts surprise me with the fact that there remains some healing that I may have ignored. My fears and lack of faith in God—the real, honest lack of faith…not the false, verbal assurances I proclaim in public—haunt me around the edges of the silence.

But, there is healing inside the whispering, the haunting and surprises. There is truth to be heard—real truth spoken to the soul. There is a rock we can be sure of when our life feels shaky. It is what we long for, but often miss.

Youth ministry is a loud, fast world. I love it—and the people who inhabit that world. Thanks for being one of them. But, I worry about our souls because the whisper of God is often missed in the volume, the pace and the vast amounts of pizza. If you are a disciplined, reflective introvert reading this—please be patient with the rest of us. If you are a normal youth worker who complains because you are feeling dry today—stop complaining and get your calendar out. Make a day, or at least a half-day to go away. Find a retreat center, or a friends church with a small chapel. Don’t do a coffee shop, your house or your office…it always sounds like a good idea, but doesn’t work for this kind of intentional silence. Break free to STOP…and see what happens.

You might be pleased and bothered by it all. But, you will have stopped—and that is good in itself. Listen for the quiet whisper of God telling you that He is with you, loves you and still wants to use you. Be willing to hear the challenge from God that we can so easily ignore in the busyness. Whatever it is, stop and listen. Stop and listen.

Peace in Christ, Tiger

Pain

Pain has hit me again. This time is was physical pain--a shoulder that could not be ignored any more. It screamed for my attention even throughout the night at hourly intervals. It disrupted my normal pattern, sapped my energy and drained my strength. I have lived with it for years as an on-again, off-again reminder of a nagging injury. But, this weekend was not a back-burner issue. It became a demanding partner that would not let go of me, and frankly, really disrupted my plans for the weekend.

The week before Christmas it was relational pain as I lost my 51 year old brother in law as he had surgery for a heart problem suddenly diagnosed. Pain took hold of his family as they suffered the loss of a husband, father, brother and son. It was brutal to be a part of this kind of pain. For this family--the pain was magnified because of the love they had for one another, the positive relationships in the family, and the closeness they experienced with one another. Pain screamed for their attention.

We see pain as the enemy. We drug it, deny it, stay busy to ignore it and pray for a band-aid to cover it. But, we often don't really deal with it and see what we can learn from it. I am certainly not one to say I'm glad when pain comes my way. But, our avoidance of it without reflection often does us no good as leaders and as followers of Jesus. It circumvents the learning process when we make our theology be all about avoiding pain.

It is interesting that the Bible doesn't seem to buy into this idea. The writers of Scripture lament openly about pain, cry out to God in honest pain and even wonder out loud if God is around during it all. Good, honest stuff. And the good news is that God is bigger than our perspective on pain--and can meet us in and through it all. Scripture is full of folks who have learned that lesson, and we need to be reminded of it in our world today.

Life is hard at times. Pain screams at us. Sometimes the pain is physical--sometimes relational or emotional. Whatever the pain, I pray that you avoid the blaming and running. Face it, name it and seek to find God in it. Is God the rock in the midst of the pain, or the rescue attempt to get out of the pain?

I Should Have Been Fired...Part One

What was I thinking? We packed 40-60 kids onto a haywagon and drove from the house to the church—and from the church to the boat landing over 4 miles away!!! No railings or seat belts. Just kids, loud music and a rockin’ good time.

What was I thinking? It seemed like such a good idea at the time. I should have been fired.

Can you relate? Oh, sure some of my mistakes—and yours—make for really funny stories now. Unfortunately, I think I have more than my fair share of mistakes. But so do you. I actually want to collect them because we youth workers are famous for not thinking clearly—for letting our weird ideas take us too far.

Mike Yaconelli used to say: “If you are a youth worker, and your church hasn’t made a rule because of your ministry—then you aren’t a very good youth worker!!” I love that.

Some of my mistakes are funny. Some are not. Some cause me to smile and ask “What was I thinking?” But, others cause me distress to this day—and I wonder “What was I thinking?” My leadership has been filled with the potholes of naivete, lack of focus, spontaneous unpreparedness, misplaced optimism as well as my own ego and sinful nature. It is all there.

And yet, here I stand. Like others before me, I can only go back to God’s grace. It is an old theme—found in the pages of the Bible—but fleshed out in the lives of many of us today. It is my reality as I write to you. I remain a mess, but God continues to use and refine me.

Wherever you are today, don’t stray too far from grace. It is a good church word—but it is filled with everything you need to stand firm as a leader, and remain true to your calling. I should have been fired—but God hasn’t fired me yet. It keeps me passionate about working with imperfect leaders who work for imperfect churches led by imperfect pastors.

Send me some of your mistakes and really dumb ideas!! I would love to collect them and post them for our mutual encouragement, humor, and reminder that someone else out there wasn’t thinking clearly either!!

Vagueness is killing the church

The directions to the first-time boat owner said: “Be sure that the trailer wheels get into the water.” The result of his attempt is recorded...

I love that because that is what I see in the church all the time. Vagueness is killing the church. Vague ideas…vague mission statements...vague theology with extremely vague applications. It all sounds good and has nice imagery like love, grace, light, hope and god. But, my problem as a leader is that there is rarely any TRACTION under it all. It puts us in the ballpark, but we just can’t play the game with the vague concepts we throw around.

I know that almost every leader hopes that their ministry makes a difference. Every parent I know hopes that their kids turn out ok. Every church I know hopes that their programs help people. But, I want to remind you of an important truth: “HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY.” God bless you for the feeling, but hope will only carry you so far.

Effective leadership is not vague. It is practical and connected to a context. You are a leader in a real situation with real people. Theory will not cut it, but we fall back on generalities too often. Churches rely on words that vaguely tell the story of God, but don’t unpack it for their people…don’t connect it to the real world….and don’t wrestle with specific applications.

For some it is because we don’t want to be “legalistic” and tell people what they must do. So, we resist any application and keep it vague so that it will sound good. For others, it is too avoid getting messy with the real world, so we keep the truth at a distance. Whatever the reason, we must realize the vagueness misses the point.

There simply is no passion in vagueness. There is no application in vagueness. And, we lose Jesus in vagueness.

If we are in youth ministry leadership, we are coming alongside real people with real issues who want to find out if a real God is anywhere to be found. A vague idea—even if it has a bible verse attached—is not going to be helpful. Our role is to have core values that we can articulate to young people and their parents. Our role calls us to teach things in ways that people can understand…and that they can apply into their lives.

It is a high calling—and the reason why I write this blog. I want leaders who are passionate about youth ministry, clear about their mission, and strategic about their context. There is much to learn.

Work on clarity so that the right wheels go in the water.