The Problem with Oppositional Thinking

I travel across the country and work with people from a wide variety of denominations. I have spoken about how “Vagueness is killing the church” in many of these settings. I have seen well-intentioned people only become clear and passionate when they are describing what they are AGAINST. Too often, we define many things by what they AREN’T. We often are clearer about what we don’t want to be than what we firmly believe in.

Some examples of this kind of thinking are: “I don’t want to be like those Baptist’s because they…” “I hate those ____________ because they ___________...” “Rob Bell is not one of us any more because he ____________.” Opposition is our focus, rather than passion and vision FOR something. I see it all the time in churches and in leadership. It sounds strong and clear, but in fact it often doesn’t go anywhere. It just stays negative. Its reference point is opposition, not clarity.

Vagueness does not produce passion. It leaves us loosely agreeing with something but having no clear understanding of how to live out the ideas. Oppositional thinking is similar because its only focus is the opposing view. Our energy is in the disagreement—not the clear articulation of my hopes, dreams and vision. The political rhetoric of the past year has had much of this flavor. Sadly, churches are not exempt from this kind of dialogue. Most churches—and church leaders—are much clearer on what they DON’T believe than what they actually DO believe.

So, my question for any of you who are leaders is, “What is it you are FOR? What produces passion in you? What are your hoped-for-outcomes? What are your core values?” Naming the things that get us going—in a positive way—is the key to a sustainable leader. Without these things, we are susceptible to the expectations of others, the demands of the job and the newest idea proposed at the convention.

Think hard about your theological and philosophical “big rocks”. What are the hills you really are ready to fight on—because you only have so many and you don’t want to waste them on things that don’t really matter.

May you and I gain clarity in our life and ministry. Not clarity about what other people are doing wrong—but about what we desperately want to work to accomplish. May our passion be positive and inspirational rather than negative and oppositional.

Peace,
Tiger

The Risk of Independence

I am an independent person. My dad taught me to tackle a job, work hard and finish it well. My independent strain has served me well at times. I have limped through tough times, but I have finished. Yes, I see some benefits for the independent spirit.

But, I have continued to see another side to this issue of independence. I have seen how it can lead to isolation. Its external focus on strength can, in fact, lead to an internal weakness because it doesn’t access the power of interdependence. Independence believes that I can do it by myself—but, the gospel continues to challenge us to much more of an interdependent perspective. That’s tough for some of us.

The problem with leadership is that it will affirm your independence all the way to the point of your emotional, relational and physical collapse. And, that is not a good place to be.

I think of Peter as he sat by the fire and denied that he even knew Jesus. That was a tough time for the vocal, committed disciple. He was sure that he would stand with Jesus even if every other one of them fell away…yet, here he was failing to have the strength to follow through. I think there are three reasons why Peter failed….and why independent people like me often fail.

1. He was alone. It’s pretty basic, but Peter was trying to do this all by himself. He was not accessing the power of the group. I have made the same mistake many times—I have just tried to do it myself. In the process, I miss hearing other perspectives, being strengthened by the faith of others, and being challenged to live out my words. He was alone—it sometimes is the kiss of death.

2. He was overconfident. He had told Jesus that He could count on him. Peter was sure he would hang in there until the end. That overconfidence is a great thing in one respect—it builds confidence in the followers. But, if it isn’t reality, then the crash is a big one. I have been there….trust me, it hurts.

3. He was unprepared. He had some idea of what the temptation or scene might look like, but he was clearly unprepared for what it REALLY was like. When he was staring at the eyes of his accuser, all his idealistic strength fell by the wayside. He simply wasn’t ready for the fear that was inside him.

Leadership can put us in places like this. We think we are ready for the conflicts with the parents, the critics in the youth group or the expectations of the staff. But, then reality hits and we find ourselves alone, overconfident and unprepared. It may not result in you denying Jesus, but it might show up in another painful experience.

Work on the interdependence necessary to fight these Peter tendencies. Find those places where you can be honest and face your issues. Yes, it takes some risk and might be scary. But, I can guarantee you that it isn’t as scary as facing your own failure.

Hacking up a Good Quote

I go to a physical therapist at least once a week as a part of my continued recovery. Over the past few months, we have chatted about a number of things--weather, jobs, families, etc. But, as I sat with her this morning, I was reminded again how vagueness is killing the church. We have created a culture where we simply don't know how to talk about our faith in conversational ways. And, we often use a really good quote to support our vagueness.

Even Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers fell into this idea on a video I saw recently. Here is the famous quote from St. Francis of Assisi: "Communicate the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." Sounds good, doesn't it? And then comes the version I heard on the video--and hear all the time. It goes something like this: "Communicate the gospel at all times. Just let your life shine. Let your life communicate the gospel..."

Really? Seriously? My life--your life--is all it takes for people around us to know about God, understand who Jesus is, and begin to incorporate that into their life at all? REALLY? C'mon.....let's be honest. My life isn't that appealing to cover all the elements of the gospel. Sure, I am a nice guy--but destroying a good quote is only a cover for vagueness. It represents our fear of being specific--not a method of effective gospel proclamation.

USE WORDS IF NECESSARY. It is my contention that words ARE necessary. There needs to be an overt link from my actions--however wonderful they might be--and the fact that Christ is the center of it all. The recent study of youth spirituality in the National Study of Youth and Religion tells us that the average teenager has a vague spirituality that they can't articulate in any way. Duh....they get that from us.

My physical therapist is not going to link our conversations about general stuff to the elements of the gospel unless I help create a link....a conversational link. Yes, it is scary, but to think otherwise is to not just hack up a good quote--it is not helpful. So, we have talked about church. I have shown interest in her background, her present family situation, her kids, her questions and listened for her hopes. I have shared some elements of how church and faith have helped me with some of what she has shared. Today, she asked about where I went to church and wrote down the information. Will she come? I don't know. Will her life be transformed? I don't know. I can't control any of that. What I CAN control is creating a link from vagueness to clarity.

How do you use vagueness as an excuse to simply avoid saying something? Are the kids we have contact with understanding the gospel just by being around you? Is your life that convincing? If not, what would it look like to put some words into the formula? Let's keep listening to St. Francis...but be willing to do the whole quote--not just the vague part.

Keep living for Jesus. Use words if necessary!!!

Peace,
Tiger

My Rights and the TSA

Our former governor—good old Jesse Ventura—has just announced a lawsuit against the TSA for sexual harassment. He claims to have been violated and degraded by the required patdown in the security line.

Jesse Ventura is a symbol of our culture and represents the attitude built into an entitlement world. His claim of violation is indicative of a belief that I am the center of the world….and I should not be forced into anything that is uncomfortable or restricts my individual freedom. This is an extension of a narcissistic culture that has been growing over the past 30 years.

I am sorry Jesse—YOU don’t supersede the needs of the many. Your personal preference should not be the filter for a national security policy—in spite of your inflated sense of self. I wish that security patdowns were not necessary. I wish that a terror attack was not a possibility in our world. I wish that our airports were exempt from any risk of terrorism. But, reality tells us otherwise. The recent bombing in Russia reminds us that risk is part of our world today. I am sorry Jesse.

An entitlement mindset says that MY needs are most important. It is selfishness expressed—and Jesse Ventura is the poster child for a selfish worldview. I am not speaking from an abstract viewpoint on this—I have had to undergo these patdowns for the past 15 years because I have an implantable cardiac defibrillator. Every trip for me involves a personal experience with a security agent—and I have seen this develop after 9/11. Do I like them? No. Do I look forward to them? No.

But, let me say again: MY feelings don’t matter. The fact that I don’t like them is not the filter to determining a security policy in the United States. If this policy has been thought out and developed to protect people, then MY preference is not the determining issue. But, Jesse would like to change that. He would like to have the country change its policy for HIS personal preference. Interesting….

As a friend said: “If you think the security process is invasive…..try shrapnel.” Bingo. There is a bigger need here—and it may restrict your personal freedom just a bit. But, our culture is having a tough time knowing how to navigate this issue. Look around you and see how this selfish, entitlement attitude is affecting your teenagers…the families you work with…yourself.

Following Jesus is recognizing that God is calling us to put our needs as secondary to others….to serve….to love…and to think more than our own selfish orientation. It is calling us past an entitlement attitude. Jesus loves me and then challenges me to stop thinking as if the world should revolve around ME. I need to express this attitude in the TSA line, in my ministry and in my family. The Ventura lawsuit was my last straw….what is yours? How do YOU speak into an entitlement world? How do you see this attitude in your ministry? What can we do to impact this pervasive culture? I’d be curious to hear your thoughts.

End of the year thoughts

As we start 2011, there are many people reflecting on the “best” and the “worst” of this past year. I’ve read their thoughts on movies, music, TV, etc. I will not follow this vein, but I want to return to blogging with some thoughts as we start another year. So, in no particular order, here they are:

1. Leadership is a crazy mixture of the fun, the joyful and the really tough stuff.

For some reason, God has had me in leadership most of my adult life. I titled this blog “I should have been fired” because I am acutely aware of so many mistakes I have made over the years!! But, I am thinking again about how tough it is on youth ministry leaders because leadership simply is hard sometimes. Yes, it is a lot of fun in places—let’s admit it. We get to have loose schedules, work with great kids, eat lots of pizza, etc. But, I have been a follower and I have been a leader---and leadership is always harder. It puts us in the eye of the storm—whether that is a storm of our own making or simply by being part of a church or organization. Or, it might be simply that life is hard for those we minister to—and we get caught up in the pain of it all.

It is hard. So, do what you have to do to stay healthy. Hang in there. Breathe.

2. I am increasingly tired of simple answers and over-promises.

Complexity and tensions are tiring because it seems like we just wade through the muck of no answers. But, the addiction to simple answers increasingly frustrates me. Really? It will all be better with this one program, resource, weekend or pill? We intuitively know this can’t work….but we seem to be addicted to it all. Simple answers just sound so good to a tired, complex, frustrating world.
On the other end are the over-promises of ministry leaders and organizations. We all have been taught that marketing is the key—but, do we really need to go this far? Do we really need to make it sound like our ministry, our church; our organization is the answer to ALL your ministry problems? Cmon…

3. The economy is on everyone’s mind.

Yes, I know we are all spiritual and are here to simply serve God. Yet, I have seen the real implication of the recession as churches have cut staff, reduced programs and cut continuing education budgets. It is hitting churches and related organizations like Youth Leadership. It is real and we often don’t know how to talk about it.

4. The “youth and family ministry” buzzword is only adding stress to people.

While I fully acknowledge the value of ministry to families, I think we haven’t defined this target very well---and front-line people with unbelievably vague job descriptions are saddled with too many responsibilities without clarity. It is killing lots of folks.

And, behind it all, is a general frustration with what to DO with parents. How do we get them involved when they just want to drop their kids off for a little God on Wednesday? How do we really equip them for this complicated task of parenting when we often don’t feel equipped ourselves? How does the whole staff get involved in this goal and not just one person with “family” in their job description?

5. David Crowder or (insert your ministry hero here) may actually be your worst enemy!!

We are addicted to big names in ministry right now. And, it might be stealing our souls as leaders. We are waiting for this person to tell us what to do, how to do it, why we should do it…..and we have lost the joy of not knowing what we are doing!! Too often, I see leaders simply copying their hero—and not adapting it for their own context or personal strengths. We all have watched a worship leader painfully destroy a Crowder song haven’t we? But, handing out worksheets by (insert name) without adapting or evaluating them is just as painful.

Try a new thing, be willing to fail and get know your kids really well. Then, you can steal and adapt instead of just copying.

So, we head into 2011. I pray that you will hear the whisper of God in the midst of all the noise and activity around you. Listen for His passionate love for you, His relentless grace for you and His unique blessings He offers you.

God bless,

Tiger

Change is never neutral

Leadership is about the business of change—we think about it, talk about it, preach about it and are always looking for it. Without knowing it, change is a core aspect of what it means to be a leader. We are asking individuals, groups, churches and organizations to do something different—to CHANGE.

Think about it. How much of your preaching, teaching, study groups, visioning meetings, leadership planning has change in there somewhere? We want kids to think differently, act differently, be more caring, less hostile, read more, swear less, etc, etc. We want our churches to evangelize more, be more inviting, be less rigid, be more caring, drink better coffee, etc.

We are always thinking and talking about change. But, I would like to suggest something that we may forget. It is a simple phrase I never let go of:

CHANGE IS NEVER NEUTRAL

NEVER.

I don’t care if YOU think it is a great idea and are excited about it—to really implement ANY change is difficult. It costs something and it is why most of us talk about change in other people but do so little changing ourselves. Let’s be honest—we all resist change. That’s why most of us have quit making new years resolutions!!

And, it gets harder as you go from:
Changing your mind to Changing your attitudes to Changing your behavior to Changing institutional behavior.

Each level gets increasing complicated. Simple declarations and yelling at people just don’t seem to produce change—yet, we keep going back to these.

CHANGE IS NEVER NEUTRAL

Here are four mistakes young leaders often make when it comes to leading change that I would like for you to consider.

1. Only listening to the innovators. These are the creative people (a VERY small minority) who LOVE change. They stand in line for the iPhone4 and love your new ideas. But, they are weird…so you can’t only listen to them!!
2. Forgetting how important VISION is. You must declare the reason, the goal and the hoped for outcome of any change attempt. If THAT doesn’t capture them, the change will fall apart.
3. Not building a guiding coalition. If you want to lead change in an organization, you must get a wide variety of key people to buy into it, invest in it, and consistently preach it. Without this, your singular efforts will fall on deaf ears after a short while.
4. Taking resistance personally. We often see people’s resistance to change as a personal attack—instead of seeing it as a natural part of the human condition. We need to give a safe place to discuss the successes—and the failures—we have experienced as we all try to change. Without this safety, we all learn to fake it and pretend we are changing.

So, have I lost my idealism about change? No, not at all. I still believe that God is in the business of changing people. “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation….and for helping people live righteously.” (my paraphrase of Rom. 1:16-17) God is calling us to change. I believe in it.

But, let’s not let our idealism get in the way of our practicality. Change is tough. We need to love people while they struggle with change, resist change and fall down in their attempts to change. Keep calling them back to the grace of God—but don’t stop CALLING them to something….to change. It is a great tension of the gospel.

Now…go change something.

Adrenaline masks pain way better than Percocet!!

This post does not have direct leadership application. There is no deep point to be uncovered—it is just too soon to pull anything out yet, but I need to share an experience.

If you have been paying attention, you know I have had a tough year with pain and surgeries. I learned a new lesson yesterday: Adrenaline masks pain way better than Percocet. Man, the body is amazing. AND, I got my miracle—even though it wasn’t the one I had been praying for. The miracle? I am alive.

Let me explain. I was the solo rider in a hotel shuttle on Sunday morning. We got onto the main road—a 4 lane road with stoplights. Just after getting up to speed the driver mentioned that he had a “neurological condition” and didn’t feel well. The next thing I knew—my driver was completely passed out!! I mean OUT COLD….no response at all.

Driver’s foot on the accelerator. 50 miles per hour. Car ahead. Non responsive driver. 4 elements that quickly caught my attention. I had to grab the steering wheel and avoid the car in front of us as we passed them. I managed to use my freshly operated on shoulder to pull his foot off the accelerator and put the transmission in neutral to help us slow down. In the meantime, we have gone through a stoplight—that was, fortunately, still green.

(My next decision as I see another stoplight coming up was a commitment to get this thing stopped.) As I noticed the next upcoming red stoplight, and blood pumped faster through my newly operated on heart, my commitment to get this thing stopped increased. The vehicle was an SUV with a floor console and bucket seats, yet I managed to climb over the console, sit on top of the driver—between him and the steering wheel—and hit the brake pedal, pull over to the side of the road and get the vehicle into park.

WHEW….I have to tell you that the adrenaline was running strong through the body. Lately, I have struggled with picking up anything, twisting in any way and grabbing anything with my hand. To be honest, I’m actually having physical pain while I type this. But, for a few minutes I was grabbing the wheel, pulling on a pants leg, and climbing over seats in a car. The body is amazing—to think we produce a chemical way better than what I bought at CVS.

This was a shuttle ride to remember. We both survived and I thanked God for the day. I mean, I REALLY was thankful…not just the Christian buzz phrase. I got my miracle…

Here is where my staff and I disagree on how to end the story. The true ending is that “buddy” came to, I drove the rest of the way to the airport, made sure he was ok and promised to call him later that day. And yes, I made my flight. People I tell this story to can’t believe I didn’t call 911 or this guy’s boss or SOMEONE! All I can say is that this seems to be business as usual for me. I joke that I’m good in crisis but not much else, and after I made my young driver promise he would call his doctor, I gave him a fatherly lecture on how to deal with his chronic condition. Next time, he simply needs to recognize his trigger symptoms faster!

I’m still trying to figure this one out. But I’m glad to be here and I look forward to what God has next.