Confidently Confused

If you noticed--it has been two weeks since my last post. If you noticed--I am impressed!! The reason is that this past week has been a tough one. I found out on February 26 that I have a blood clot in a vein in my left arm. I was in a lot of pain, had to give myself injections twice a day for 5 days and pretty tired all of last week, so the thought of getting in front of a computer and blogging just didn't work for me.

I recovered enough to go on our Senior High Winter Retreat with my church. (That is for another post!!) The topic was prayer--and I came up with a phrase that summarizes much of my spiritual life and prayer: I am "Confidently Confused"

con•fi•dent –adjective

1. having strong belief or full assurance; sure.

con•fused -adjective

1. perplexed or bewildered

Although not often used together, let me suggest that following Jesus often includes both of these things. Even the disciples in Acts 2:12 got into the mix: "Amazed and perplexed, they asked each other, 'What does that mean'?"

I am confident that what is happening is of God. He has his hand in my life and I have often experienced a peace that I can’t quite describe. I often have a full assurance that all the details of my life, leadership and ministry will work out. I am sure of God's blessing and full of confidence in the promises of God. Just when the talk is about to sound like "The Bourne Supremacy" and everything macho, I am aware of how little I know. I become confident only that I am confused.

I am confused because God works in ways I could never have imagined. I am confused because it’s not what I expected. I didn't see the blood clot coming--just as we were starting a "30 Days of Prayer for Youth Leadership." I don't see the big picture of a loss of a brother-in-law, a heart disease, struggles in the leadership world, an upcoming surgery, and significant pain issues. I don’t know how this all will play out, and that is sometimes confusing. The process of following Jesus is often confusing, but it continues to make me confident in the awesomeness of God.

It feels good to be confidently confused.

It forces me to remember who is in charge and enjoy watching God at work. Maybe I am getting more comfortable admitting the confusion--which we often hide in our churches. It doesn't mean I preach my doubts, but I am not afraid of them as much. A strong leader is not necessarily without confusion, but a strong leader knows his/her confidences.

Hang in there on the journey. Build on your confidences and the promises of God, but admit the areas of weakness. God is at work in both.

Peace,
Tiger