Excuses for not writing

Friends,

I am back...really, I am. It has been a long time since my last post. One comment to me was, "If you have a blog, then BLOG." Pretty succinct. So, here are my excuses...(by the way--you will see that these are not just MY excuses--they are excuses I see leaders using all the time.)

1. I have been super-busy. This is a great excuse because it helps us feel important. The urgent things have taken over my life and I can't seem to get off the treadmill. I feel it all the time--and I hear it at every meeting I go to.

2. I am a procrastinator. Ah, the shrugged shoulders that excuses everything. I'm sorry, I just let things go and this got away from me. It IS true by the way--I AM a procrastinator. I have become addicted to the pressure that comes from delaying things. I am writing this late in the day while I know I have to rush off to a meeting...

3. I am an initiator. This is another "strength-finder" approach to excusing behavior. It says that I am gifted at getting things started, but not energized by maintaining things or keeping them going. While it may be true--it just isn't an excuse to NOT follow through on your good ideas. Life is full of the mundane things. Deal with it.

4. I have no discipline. OK, this is a really big one for me. It is true. I don't. It is only one weakness that affects about 90 different areas of my life--from friendships to spiritual growth and everything in between. Blogging requires discipline--and that is in short supply these days. Welcome to leadership for many of us. If you wait for discipline to land on your doorstep before you work at your discipline--it just won't happen.

5. "Do I have anything to say?" This is my self-doubt excuse. It has many forms in leadership, but it is the voice that causes us to be insecure, pull-back, avoid conflict or not stand up for our values. It is the self-doubt that saps the leader's ability to speak up. I hear it all the time--and it is one of the reasons I don't blog every Monday like I had planned.

As I said, these 5 excuses are mine. But, I am pretty sure many of you have heard those same excuses--or similar ones--roll around in your head. How do you deal with the excuses you make up? How do you work through them? Are there others that steal your focus and energy? As usual, I would love to hear from you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. God bless

Confidently Confused--Part Two

Another gap in the blog. Silence that says something—he either lacks discipline, has lost interest or something else that has taken over his life.

In this case it is the latter…and it moves me further along my journey with confident confusion. I wrote about this earlier, and the phrase continues to follow me. I have never had a season so filled with physical pain, limitations and reminders of my frailty. I am not a fan of any of these things—and I have prayed many times for God to help. I am an independent person, and this season has been a tough one for me. While there has been improvement over these past months, it just hasn’t been the miracle I have been looking for.

My wife got the miracle!!! Coming back from a mission trip, her group needed a miracle to get through security and make the connecting flight back home. (They were late returning from the BEACH, no less.) We talked on the phone and it was not looking good—but, sure enough, they flew through a wide open security line and found that their plane was at one of the closest gates at the Miami airport. 10 minutes from curb to gate!!! AMAZING. She claims a miracle from God!!

Very cool. And, I believe it. God IS at work in ways that surprise us. I am confident of this or I would believe less in the possibility of transformation in people’s lives. God is active, alive, loving and surprising us. God gets us through security lines. God touches our lives.

Then, I wake up this morning in pain again. Not progress….but regression. I take a break from typing this blog to try to shake out the pain in my forearm that grips me within a few minutes. I endured the reality of heart surgery in April, shoulder surgery in May and now a spinal fusion in a few short weeks. NONE of these things make me smile and say “thanks.”

The ministry of Youth Leadership has also experienced financial struggles this year. Programmatically, things are going well, but some funding requests were denied that meant a fiscal year in the “red”. We prayed hard for wisdom in setting this budget, direction in managing it and specifically for God to bless our efforts to meet it. But, in the end, nothing miraculous happened.

This is my point: Following Jesus is just not as clear as we want to make it. There are not formulas that work for everyone, rules that work for every parent, worksheets that explain every theological dilemma or answers to every question. And, if we are honest, that is a real pain in the neck for us.

The gap in the blog is part of my journey. I hope to revive some weekly thoughts for you. Thanks for the comments and personal notes you have sent. Can you relate to this struggle to find the ‘miracle’? Where are the stress points for you as a leader as you teach about your confidences while remain confused as a disciple? Where do you go with your doubts? Let me know—and we can both grow in our confident confusion.

Confidently Confused

If you noticed--it has been two weeks since my last post. If you noticed--I am impressed!! The reason is that this past week has been a tough one. I found out on February 26 that I have a blood clot in a vein in my left arm. I was in a lot of pain, had to give myself injections twice a day for 5 days and pretty tired all of last week, so the thought of getting in front of a computer and blogging just didn't work for me.

I recovered enough to go on our Senior High Winter Retreat with my church. (That is for another post!!) The topic was prayer--and I came up with a phrase that summarizes much of my spiritual life and prayer: I am "Confidently Confused"

con•fi•dent –adjective

1. having strong belief or full assurance; sure.

con•fused -adjective

1. perplexed or bewildered

Although not often used together, let me suggest that following Jesus often includes both of these things. Even the disciples in Acts 2:12 got into the mix: "Amazed and perplexed, they asked each other, 'What does that mean'?"

I am confident that what is happening is of God. He has his hand in my life and I have often experienced a peace that I can’t quite describe. I often have a full assurance that all the details of my life, leadership and ministry will work out. I am sure of God's blessing and full of confidence in the promises of God. Just when the talk is about to sound like "The Bourne Supremacy" and everything macho, I am aware of how little I know. I become confident only that I am confused.

I am confused because God works in ways I could never have imagined. I am confused because it’s not what I expected. I didn't see the blood clot coming--just as we were starting a "30 Days of Prayer for Youth Leadership." I don't see the big picture of a loss of a brother-in-law, a heart disease, struggles in the leadership world, an upcoming surgery, and significant pain issues. I don’t know how this all will play out, and that is sometimes confusing. The process of following Jesus is often confusing, but it continues to make me confident in the awesomeness of God.

It feels good to be confidently confused.

It forces me to remember who is in charge and enjoy watching God at work. Maybe I am getting more comfortable admitting the confusion--which we often hide in our churches. It doesn't mean I preach my doubts, but I am not afraid of them as much. A strong leader is not necessarily without confusion, but a strong leader knows his/her confidences.

Hang in there on the journey. Build on your confidences and the promises of God, but admit the areas of weakness. God is at work in both.

Peace,
Tiger