Excuses for not writing

Friends,

I am back...really, I am. It has been a long time since my last post. One comment to me was, "If you have a blog, then BLOG." Pretty succinct. So, here are my excuses...(by the way--you will see that these are not just MY excuses--they are excuses I see leaders using all the time.)

1. I have been super-busy. This is a great excuse because it helps us feel important. The urgent things have taken over my life and I can't seem to get off the treadmill. I feel it all the time--and I hear it at every meeting I go to.

2. I am a procrastinator. Ah, the shrugged shoulders that excuses everything. I'm sorry, I just let things go and this got away from me. It IS true by the way--I AM a procrastinator. I have become addicted to the pressure that comes from delaying things. I am writing this late in the day while I know I have to rush off to a meeting...

3. I am an initiator. This is another "strength-finder" approach to excusing behavior. It says that I am gifted at getting things started, but not energized by maintaining things or keeping them going. While it may be true--it just isn't an excuse to NOT follow through on your good ideas. Life is full of the mundane things. Deal with it.

4. I have no discipline. OK, this is a really big one for me. It is true. I don't. It is only one weakness that affects about 90 different areas of my life--from friendships to spiritual growth and everything in between. Blogging requires discipline--and that is in short supply these days. Welcome to leadership for many of us. If you wait for discipline to land on your doorstep before you work at your discipline--it just won't happen.

5. "Do I have anything to say?" This is my self-doubt excuse. It has many forms in leadership, but it is the voice that causes us to be insecure, pull-back, avoid conflict or not stand up for our values. It is the self-doubt that saps the leader's ability to speak up. I hear it all the time--and it is one of the reasons I don't blog every Monday like I had planned.

As I said, these 5 excuses are mine. But, I am pretty sure many of you have heard those same excuses--or similar ones--roll around in your head. How do you deal with the excuses you make up? How do you work through them? Are there others that steal your focus and energy? As usual, I would love to hear from you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. God bless

The Struggle of Disappointment

Every leader will have to face the issue of disappointment. It is unavoidable because life and ministry never goes completely as we had hoped. The dictionary says that disappoint is: 1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down 2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc); frustrate; thwart

Sound familiar? Have you ever had kids fail to meet your expectations or hopes? Welcome to disappointment. How about that parents meeting you were so prepared for? We all work for imperfect churches or systems, so they result in times where we feel "let down", or they frustrate us with the roadblocks to our ideas. Welcome to disappointment.

The problem is that most leaders are ill-equipped to handle disappointment. We often are idealists--and can take the failure of expectations as a personal attack on our leadership. Disappointment is tiring...and discouraging. And leaders often don't know what to do with these feelings. So, we march on and pretend that we are o.k.

Of course, that works for a while--but, it always comes back to bite us. I have seen leaders leave a church thinking they were leaving the cause of disappointment, but the next church had new pockets of imperfection. We can't escape it.

And, what about when the disappointment is with God? THEN, it really gets tricky. We have a real hard time with this one. What if we feel like God isn't keeping His end of the bargain--How do we name that one? Kids aren't changing, attitudes still stink, the money isn't coming in, leaders aren't showing up, etc. We pray--but it still seems to be the same.

Oh, we can sound spiritual and pretend if we want. But, sometimes, we simply are disappointed with God. I am not talking about anger at God--rejection of God--or feeling like He isn't answering our prayers. I am talking about this sense that God COULD do more--and simply isn't for some reason.

Disappointment with God--and with aspects of ministry--has been in the forefront of my life over these past 16 months. As many know, I have struggled with pain every day since January of 2010. 3 surgeries, a blood clot, a swollen hand and now recurring pain in my hands and wrists make the simplest things extremely difficult. I have prayed. Friends have prayed. My church has prayed. People have laid hands on me. Yet, the outcome is not what I have hoped for. I am disappointed.

You can lay the guilt on me if you want--unconfessed sin, impure attitudes, etc. But, it doesn't work any more. It simply is.....I am disappointed. I am not giving up, preaching my doubts or walking away. I am simply naming the truth. We all are disappointed at times.

So, what do YOU do with this? How do YOU handle the reality that life, ministry, your job, parents, staff, your family, health, etc. doesn't always go the way that you want? What resources keep you faithful in the midst of disappointment? And, how/where can you be honest with all of this?

Every leader struggles with disappointment. How about you?

The Achilles Heel of the Leader

Every person—and every leader—has to come to grips with the reality of a recurring weakness that trips them up again and again. We can do our “Strength Finders” and name our personality assets—all of which is an important issue for a healthy leader. Work and lead out of your strengths—name the assets you bring to the table—and thank God for helping to shape you and develop you.

But leaders must also learn to be painfully honest. We just don’t seem to get it. We trip over a weakness…a personality flaw…a sinful character trait…or something we can’t quite name yet. EVERY leader I know has lived with this reality. The ones who are healthy and finish well are not those who don’t have the flaw—they are leaders who have admitted the flaw and keep it in the battle zone.

To pretend we have moved past the Achilles heel of our leadership is to invite trouble. We don’t address it, so it can sneak up on us again. The enemy of your soul can—and will—use it against you time and again. I understand why we do that…because to keep it in front of us is tiring. It is discouraging. We want so badly to move past it, but there it is again. It sucks.

My blog. My confession. I only have one Achilles heel. Most leaders have more than one. I win—only one. But, this is mine.

I really don’t have any discipline. And, therefore, it has 84 sub points that affect every area of my life—personally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and as a leader. No discipline. My desk is a mess, my procrastination is rampant, my “to do” list is lost, my half-read books are piling up, and it is all old news.

I used to think it was a sign of my youthful energy, relational focus and flexible spirit. Yes, it was. But, it is deeper. It resides in me. I have talked about it, created systems to help deal with it, made sheets to minimize it and hired good people to help me with it. But, IT won’t go away. IT is my Achilles heel.

And you have one too. At least one. Do you know it? Are you working to minimize it? Are you pretending you have moved past it? Pretending won’t help. If you seek to be a leader who navigates the seasons of ministry, then brutal honesty is essential. If you can do that alone—great. But, it is likely you will need to talk out loud with someone about this thing. Have the courage to do that and you are on a healthier road. You will still have IT—but IT won’t own you. Your Achilles heel may still be with you, but you will be able to survive and thrive as a leader.

Peace,
Tiger

Confidently Confused--Part Two

Another gap in the blog. Silence that says something—he either lacks discipline, has lost interest or something else that has taken over his life.

In this case it is the latter…and it moves me further along my journey with confident confusion. I wrote about this earlier, and the phrase continues to follow me. I have never had a season so filled with physical pain, limitations and reminders of my frailty. I am not a fan of any of these things—and I have prayed many times for God to help. I am an independent person, and this season has been a tough one for me. While there has been improvement over these past months, it just hasn’t been the miracle I have been looking for.

My wife got the miracle!!! Coming back from a mission trip, her group needed a miracle to get through security and make the connecting flight back home. (They were late returning from the BEACH, no less.) We talked on the phone and it was not looking good—but, sure enough, they flew through a wide open security line and found that their plane was at one of the closest gates at the Miami airport. 10 minutes from curb to gate!!! AMAZING. She claims a miracle from God!!

Very cool. And, I believe it. God IS at work in ways that surprise us. I am confident of this or I would believe less in the possibility of transformation in people’s lives. God is active, alive, loving and surprising us. God gets us through security lines. God touches our lives.

Then, I wake up this morning in pain again. Not progress….but regression. I take a break from typing this blog to try to shake out the pain in my forearm that grips me within a few minutes. I endured the reality of heart surgery in April, shoulder surgery in May and now a spinal fusion in a few short weeks. NONE of these things make me smile and say “thanks.”

The ministry of Youth Leadership has also experienced financial struggles this year. Programmatically, things are going well, but some funding requests were denied that meant a fiscal year in the “red”. We prayed hard for wisdom in setting this budget, direction in managing it and specifically for God to bless our efforts to meet it. But, in the end, nothing miraculous happened.

This is my point: Following Jesus is just not as clear as we want to make it. There are not formulas that work for everyone, rules that work for every parent, worksheets that explain every theological dilemma or answers to every question. And, if we are honest, that is a real pain in the neck for us.

The gap in the blog is part of my journey. I hope to revive some weekly thoughts for you. Thanks for the comments and personal notes you have sent. Can you relate to this struggle to find the ‘miracle’? Where are the stress points for you as a leader as you teach about your confidences while remain confused as a disciple? Where do you go with your doubts? Let me know—and we can both grow in our confident confusion.

It's been a while

I was going to just try to jump in and begin this blog again--pretending that the gap of the last month didn't really happen. I was going to share something inspirational or humorous and we would just go on. I don't want to make this whole blogging thing another, longer version of Twitter. (The most egocentric invention ever)

But, the gap of a month is fairly obvious--even if you are the vast majority that doesn't really care if I post with legalistic commitment every week. It begs the question: "What the heck have you been up to?" So, rather than ignore it, I suppose it is necessary to acknowledge it.

Leadership involves living with the urgent demands of things while working on the important things that may not scream for our attention. It is a constant struggle to balance these things. The urgent things may not be important--they just might be loud and grab your attention. The important things often don't scream at you--but they need to be addressed. Of course, if you procrastinate long enough, then the important thing WILL scream...and it is a terrifying noise at that point!!

Urgent and Important. Discerning which is which is a leadership skill. The urgent AND important must be addressed right now with energy and clarity. This is not negotiable and is often defined as a crisis. The important and not urgent needs discipline to focus on--these require commitment. These are things like spiritual growth, relationships, exercise, etc. We know these--but often let them slide.

The past month has been a huge lesson in this issue of urgent and important. My struggles with pain have been urgent and affected many areas of my life. (Including the time I could take sitting in front of a computer). But, it has also reminded me of the important things along the journey. These are not new things or new lessons, but small reminders of how much God wants us to address the IMPORTANT things in our relationship with Him, ourselves, our family and our friends.

Pain is a tiring companion. But, I have not walked it alone. I have appreciated the care and concern from friends and family. We simply can't walk this journey alone. We need others to help us discern the important from the urgent. Think about these two--and strategies you need to develop to separate them in your life and your calendar.

God bless,
Tiger

The power of discouragement

"What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement." – Napoleon Hill

All leaders wrestle with discouragement at some point in the journey. Sometimes it is after a committee meeting that saps your energy, or a meeting with an angry parent, or seeing that young person you have invested in slip away. It makes you wonder why you are doing this thing…and whether it really makes any difference.

I am not talking about depression—that deep, dark place that has clinical and medical implications. That is discouragement that has taken over and develops into something powerful and sinister. I am also not talking about the fleeting anger at a frustrating moment or person. I want to address this issue of discouragement—that place where we feel our energy is being sapped by too much output without any “rewards.” Discouragement is a very real issue that is often not talked about.

Too often, we think it will just pass. We just need to have a good quiet time tomorrow and we will feel better. But, discouragement is something to be faced and wrestled with. The Bible is filled with leaders who wrestled with the dark cloud that follows leaders—men like David, Job, and Jeremiah.

Some would say it all is Satan’s attack—and I certainly think that is true at times. Someone has said: “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will work to make you discouraged.” Certainly, discouragement saps the energy and focus from a Christian leader. It pulls us from God’s call to something much more personal and self-centered. Discouragement sucks the life out of us.

Others might say it is simply a sign of our egocentric personalities and our sin nature—which also holds truth. Or, it might be a consequence of other people’s actions…or lack of action. In any case, its effects are real. I would like to propose a couple of ideas as one who has wrestled with this more than once.

1. Name it: to pretend you aren’t discouraged is to lose any chance at letting others help you. Often a discouraged leader simply has lost sight of the vision of ministry—and holding that in will only make it worse.

2. Don’t Give Up: A season of discouragement is a terrible place to make major decisions. A leader needs to work through the season, find the causes and work on solutions before you try to make any major decisions about ministry.

3. Work on the Wide View: This is easy to say, but is crucial. Prayer and personal support can help a discouraged leader see the “God view” of things. Discouragement pulls you in and steals your perspective—find ways to back up, slow down and see another angle.

Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Good words to all of us.

What works for you when you are discouraged? How do you work through these seasons? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hang in there!!

“The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me’, or ‘Help me.’” Billy Graham