The Tension of Leadership

I often say in my seminars that I have two leadership rules every leader must believe with everything they have.

1. It is NOT about you. This is the key to remembering the truth that this is all about what God is up to. It is God’s work that changes lives, changes hearts and makes our ministries fruitful. A leader must learn to relax and believe this in order to hang in there through the tough seasons of life. It is really not about you.

2. It’s about you. This competing reality is also 100% true—YOU MATTER. Leadership matters. God can do anything, but often He simply chooses to use us in the process—and therefore, we are part of the equation. We can do this poorly, miss opportunities and fail to do our leadership with any degree of effectiveness. It is about you.

I really believe both of these things. The second one is why we do leadership training, coaching and consulting. My life passion is to “educate, equip and encourage leaders in youth and family ministry.” That’s why Youth Leadership exists—because we think leaders matter. But, I never want to fall prey to believing that we carry it all. That is simply not true. But, the tension is the leader’s dilemma.

Let me give you a real-time, practical example. Right now, Youth Leadership is facing a significant financial deficit—the largest since I have been here. We are seeing great energy in our programs, in our evaluations and among our staff. It has been a great year in many respects, yet we are struggling in the financial area. A foundation that had been supporting us for the past three years ended that support last year. Even though we knew it was coming, it has impacted our finances because we haven’t found a source to replace that $35,000. We are struggling.

So, what do we do? What do I do? If I believe only rule #1—we will just trust and pray and continue on our way until May 31st comes. It sounds spiritual, and that is a good thing. If I start to rely only on rule #2—my effort—then, I will work harder, spend more time fundraising, meet with key donors and panic for the next 3 months!!

I am going to try the mix of the two. I am calling friends of Youth Leadership to participate in a “30 Days of Prayer” for YL—to insure that faithful people are praying for wisdom, discernment as we look at a variety of exciting possibilities, and fruit to come from grant proposals we have submitted, etc. Prayer acknowledges the reality that this is NOT about us. I have to admit this need to myself, and friends of YL. (By the way, Paul seemed to be very comfortable asking others to pray for him—but it is often hard for Christian leaders to do the same.)

While these people are praying, we will work on action steps, decisions and meetings. We will work hard while asking God to surprise us. Contradictory? Showing lack of faith? I don’t think so—but it is a valid question. Every leader has to wrestle with this tension. For the next 30 days, it will not be a nice theory for me, it will be my lifestyle. A few words come to mind: STOP. GO. BELIEVE. ACT. LISTEN. SPEAK. TRUST. DO.

Together, let’s live in the tension of trusting God and living out our lives as His children. Let's STOP and pray...then let's GO and act. Anyone else struggle with this tension?

The Power of Silence

Each year I attempt to take 2-3 days for a personal retreat from my normal, busy world. I don’t always succeed—but the routine is a good one. It is not a “super-spiritual” retreat with total silence, only fruit and granola and a Bible. No, I am too worldly for that….

My retreats include three areas: Spiritual, Personal and Ministry. I bring lots of things to “do” in each area—more than I could do in a week of retreats!! But, I live in the tension of the possible, and see what God brings to the surface. I have a computer—and am writing this now as I sit in my room. It is not a total exclusion of the world around me, but the time stops me enough to remind me of some things.

In this tradition is always silence. No radios, TVs, ipods or internet. Silence….that mysterious space we so often avoid. As an extrovert, I process information verbally, grow spiritually in conversations, get energy in connections and simply enjoy interactions with other people. But, as always, we are called into new territory if growth is our real concern. To do the same thing is not always a bad thing—but it is a bad thing to never do a new thing.

And so silence is part of my new thing each year. Not that I don’t do silence during the year—it is just a more intentional, extended, deep and reflective silence I experience here. It draws me and repels me at the same time. My insecurities creep to the surface and begin to whisper in my ear. My hurts surprise me with the fact that there remains some healing that I may have ignored. My fears and lack of faith in God—the real, honest lack of faith…not the false, verbal assurances I proclaim in public—haunt me around the edges of the silence.

But, there is healing inside the whispering, the haunting and surprises. There is truth to be heard—real truth spoken to the soul. There is a rock we can be sure of when our life feels shaky. It is what we long for, but often miss.

Youth ministry is a loud, fast world. I love it—and the people who inhabit that world. Thanks for being one of them. But, I worry about our souls because the whisper of God is often missed in the volume, the pace and the vast amounts of pizza. If you are a disciplined, reflective introvert reading this—please be patient with the rest of us. If you are a normal youth worker who complains because you are feeling dry today—stop complaining and get your calendar out. Make a day, or at least a half-day to go away. Find a retreat center, or a friends church with a small chapel. Don’t do a coffee shop, your house or your office…it always sounds like a good idea, but doesn’t work for this kind of intentional silence. Break free to STOP…and see what happens.

You might be pleased and bothered by it all. But, you will have stopped—and that is good in itself. Listen for the quiet whisper of God telling you that He is with you, loves you and still wants to use you. Be willing to hear the challenge from God that we can so easily ignore in the busyness. Whatever it is, stop and listen. Stop and listen.

Peace in Christ, Tiger

Pain

Pain has hit me again. This time is was physical pain--a shoulder that could not be ignored any more. It screamed for my attention even throughout the night at hourly intervals. It disrupted my normal pattern, sapped my energy and drained my strength. I have lived with it for years as an on-again, off-again reminder of a nagging injury. But, this weekend was not a back-burner issue. It became a demanding partner that would not let go of me, and frankly, really disrupted my plans for the weekend.

The week before Christmas it was relational pain as I lost my 51 year old brother in law as he had surgery for a heart problem suddenly diagnosed. Pain took hold of his family as they suffered the loss of a husband, father, brother and son. It was brutal to be a part of this kind of pain. For this family--the pain was magnified because of the love they had for one another, the positive relationships in the family, and the closeness they experienced with one another. Pain screamed for their attention.

We see pain as the enemy. We drug it, deny it, stay busy to ignore it and pray for a band-aid to cover it. But, we often don't really deal with it and see what we can learn from it. I am certainly not one to say I'm glad when pain comes my way. But, our avoidance of it without reflection often does us no good as leaders and as followers of Jesus. It circumvents the learning process when we make our theology be all about avoiding pain.

It is interesting that the Bible doesn't seem to buy into this idea. The writers of Scripture lament openly about pain, cry out to God in honest pain and even wonder out loud if God is around during it all. Good, honest stuff. And the good news is that God is bigger than our perspective on pain--and can meet us in and through it all. Scripture is full of folks who have learned that lesson, and we need to be reminded of it in our world today.

Life is hard at times. Pain screams at us. Sometimes the pain is physical--sometimes relational or emotional. Whatever the pain, I pray that you avoid the blaming and running. Face it, name it and seek to find God in it. Is God the rock in the midst of the pain, or the rescue attempt to get out of the pain?

I Should Have Been Fired...Part One

What was I thinking? We packed 40-60 kids onto a haywagon and drove from the house to the church—and from the church to the boat landing over 4 miles away!!! No railings or seat belts. Just kids, loud music and a rockin’ good time.

What was I thinking? It seemed like such a good idea at the time. I should have been fired.

Can you relate? Oh, sure some of my mistakes—and yours—make for really funny stories now. Unfortunately, I think I have more than my fair share of mistakes. But so do you. I actually want to collect them because we youth workers are famous for not thinking clearly—for letting our weird ideas take us too far.

Mike Yaconelli used to say: “If you are a youth worker, and your church hasn’t made a rule because of your ministry—then you aren’t a very good youth worker!!” I love that.

Some of my mistakes are funny. Some are not. Some cause me to smile and ask “What was I thinking?” But, others cause me distress to this day—and I wonder “What was I thinking?” My leadership has been filled with the potholes of naivete, lack of focus, spontaneous unpreparedness, misplaced optimism as well as my own ego and sinful nature. It is all there.

And yet, here I stand. Like others before me, I can only go back to God’s grace. It is an old theme—found in the pages of the Bible—but fleshed out in the lives of many of us today. It is my reality as I write to you. I remain a mess, but God continues to use and refine me.

Wherever you are today, don’t stray too far from grace. It is a good church word—but it is filled with everything you need to stand firm as a leader, and remain true to your calling. I should have been fired—but God hasn’t fired me yet. It keeps me passionate about working with imperfect leaders who work for imperfect churches led by imperfect pastors.

Send me some of your mistakes and really dumb ideas!! I would love to collect them and post them for our mutual encouragement, humor, and reminder that someone else out there wasn’t thinking clearly either!!