The Advent of Kate Middleton's Baby

The news spread fast--Kate Middleton is having a baby. Over 1/2 million people searched for news about this on Google this past Monday. It will be BIG news over these next 9 months. All the media people camped out in front of the palace for any current news or updates. The WORLD will be watching this one. It is the Advent of a Future King. It is big news. And we all love (hate) a media circus, don't we? What a great backdrop to the Christmas story. According to our friends at Wikipedia, "Advent is a season observed in many Western Christian churches as a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus." Simply, it is a time of joyful waiting--of expectation. The Kate Middleton baby will be anticipated. (They are already making pregnant Kate ceramic dolls for the occasion!!) This will be an advent with great pomp and circumstance. And then, we have this familiar--but radical--story of God sneaking His son into this world with NO fanfare. NO kingly connections or visibility. NO protection or exclusion from the ordinary. Jesus was brought right into the midst of the messiness of this world. The stable with animals and loneliness declares a vision of God's method. And it really doesn't make much sense to world that continues to have a "ladder" mentality to the value of people.

God chose to bring His son into the world in a very effective disguise--the disguise of a weak, dependent, innocent baby. Nobody would have caught this one...and only a few got in on the majesty of it all. And, it all started with the shepherds--an image that doesn't fit for most of us in urban settings. All we know is that Kate Middleton's baby will not be visited first by smelly farmers or shepherds!! It just doesn't work in the palace model of kingship. But, God chose the shepherds as the first-hearers of this incredible news. "God has skin on--and it is laying in a manger for you to see. You can come. God has broken INTO this world. He is not aloof. He is here. He is Immanuel--God with us." I wonder how we can help young people actually HEAR this amazing news. How can we help them understand that God has always been pursuing His people...loving them...and surprising them with His strategy. What will you do this year to break free from the glazed look--and help your young people encounter an incredible truth that could set them free? May the message of God's Advent catch your attention more than the Royal Pregnancy. Peace, Tiger

I Gotta Do More

I just got off the phone with one of our certification students and found us talking about a subject that shows up for so many leaders. It is this sneaky suspicion that I am just not doing enough. I must be busier to prove my worth. It is the mantra of our culture right now--ask almost anyone how they are doing, and you will find "Oh, I am really busy" somewhere in the answer. It is our drug of choice in the christian world. I can relate. This addiction to activity has been one of my pitfalls of leadership. There is something that is wired into many of us that busyness is the proof of our value--and the church will affirm this addiction all the way to your funeral. They love those of us who can't do enough, who won't say NO, and who refuse to slow down. They worry a little about us, but secretly hope we don't find any antedote to the disease because they love our frantic efforts and full schedule. This past month was the last month of Youth Leadership's fiscal year. It is the month that pushes all my "gotta do more" tendencies. It's the time when the voices creep up all over again: "The financial bottom line is dependent on my activity" "If we are going to make it--it is up to me" "I need to stay later, make more calls, send more emails and make sure it all works out". And, God is left in the back seat again. 

Youth ministry can feed this "gotta do more" syndrome is so many ways. There are expectations everywhere--from kids, parents, staff, and the broader church community. There are job descriptions that are so vague and include everything except bus maintenance that feed this feeling like I am just not doing enough. How can we stop? How can we beat the voices that whisper to us? How can we NOT feel guilty when we actually take a Sabbath? Now, let me say that I am not suggesting that you will ever make youth ministry into a tight, manageable 45 hour a week job. That just won't happen. Youth ministry is not a job--it is a lifestyle. And there are simply crazy parts to that lifestyle. But, I am convinced the lifestyle doesn't need to dangerous to our health, our spiritual life and our relationships. It CAN be managed. It can be lived out in a healthy way. So, what do you do to stay healthy, hang in there and not feel guilty? I would love to hear any ideas...because my addiction is sneaking back up on me. I gotta finish and run off to a meeting!!! See you later.

Hope is not a strategy

I love phrases. They help put big ideas into a sentence that can be remembered. I have a list of them--some I have created, some I have stolen, and some I have no idea where they came from!!

This one is one of my favorites: Hope is not a strategy. Every parent I know of hopes that their kid turns out well. They hope their kids keep going to church and make good decisions. Every parent hopes their kids are "happy"--whatever that means. (That's another blog...) Every youth worker hopes their ministry impacts kids and helps them. Every church hopes that they make a difference. And the hopes go on. But, remember...Hope is not a strategy. God bless you for your good feelings, but it won't really matter in the end if you don't build some intentionality into your hope. More parents need intentionality. More youth ministries need a strategy to go with their energy. More churches need clarity and intentionality to add to their busyness. Intentionality does not mean you lose all spontaneity. It doesn't mean you become super-organized and a Type-A personality. What I am talking about is simply being clearer about WHY we are doing things and WHAT we are hoping will happen because we are doing them. This issue of relying on our hopes is creating a culture of ministry and parenting that is based solely on our feelings. That may help to create some sense of "we care" about our kids--but it loses any chance of actually being strategic. In the process, we are losing so many of our young people to a culture that is relentlessly pursuing them. Depending your your study, we are losing between 40 to 60 percent of the teenagers who are presently involved with our youth ministries--but will be disengaged from church life, and their faith, by the time they hit their late teens and emerging adulthood. And, this is NOT A DETOUR--this is the EXIT RAMP from church and faith life. This is incredibly significant. And hoping it will change will do nothing. Until parents and churches begin to strategically address this issue, the slide away from church and faith will only continue. I am not a pessimist by nature, but this one is serious. What can parents do? What can churches and youth ministries do? What WILL we do? My dream is that it is more than hoping....In fact, I will be doing an event on Monday night, May 21 at Cornerstone Church in Crystal, MN where we will be discussing this issue. If you are in town, join us. The information in on the Youth Leadership website. Here is to your action steps. Start somewhere. Do something. I'd like to hear what you think.

An Unnamed Issue Can't Be Beat

Brian sat in front of me trying to put words to his struggle. He looked at his shoes, started 4 or 5 different sentences, and looked like he was in real pain. It was hard to watch, but it was an essential part of the process. Brian had to figure out a way to NAME the issue he was wrestling with. He had to hear himself say it out loud....because that is the key step to resolving the issue.

I have personally experienced this struggle--and watched scores of folks do the same thing. Now, it has become a mantra for me in both counseling and coaching--you have to learn to name the issue if you have any chance of dealing with it. It goes like this: "An unnammed issue is almost always undefeatable. A named issue has a chance to be defeated." I see leaders all the time who won't start the journey. They keep it all silent. They hold onto the hope that they can work it out without having to admit it out loud to someone. They are lost. They can't win. I grew up in an alcholic family where we learned the survival rule of "Don't Talk". It was built into my DNA as a survivor--and then I became a young, Christian leader. And, I carried that rule right into my leadership life...and found that people liked that about me. I didn't whine about my feelings or drain them by sharing my struggles all the time. I just moved on and worked hard. Good stuff by outside standards..and a land mine on the inside. I finally stepped on the land mine and it was not pretty. Naming the issue is tough--but, it is essential. When you are working with people, watch for the power of giving them a safe, graceful place where they can figure out and name the struggle in their life, their world and their soul. You also need to find that safe place where YOU can name the issue (or issues) that trip you up. By the way--we ALL have issues. Let's not try to pretend otherwise. I mean NAME it--not just think about it. I may sound unspiritual, but I also mean to not just pray about it. Those two things are important, but healing comes when you SAY it out loud to at least one other person. You have to have your ears hear your mouth confess it, admit it, announce it or cry about it. You have to NAME it out loud. That's when healing begins.

So, joint the messy club of leaders with issues. But, only join if you are ready to name it. The key is to find the healthy, safe place to do this hard work. It should not be your youth group, your co-leaders, a person of the opposite gender or someone on your personnel committee!! Find your place, find your safe person and take a deep breath.....and NAME it. By the way---afterwards, read a few Psalms to join the club of honest, faithful people who have questions, struggles, pain and unresolved anger. Good luck.

Excuses for not writing

Friends,

I am back...really, I am. It has been a long time since my last post. One comment to me was, "If you have a blog, then BLOG." Pretty succinct. So, here are my excuses...(by the way--you will see that these are not just MY excuses--they are excuses I see leaders using all the time.)

1. I have been super-busy. This is a great excuse because it helps us feel important. The urgent things have taken over my life and I can't seem to get off the treadmill. I feel it all the time--and I hear it at every meeting I go to.

2. I am a procrastinator. Ah, the shrugged shoulders that excuses everything. I'm sorry, I just let things go and this got away from me. It IS true by the way--I AM a procrastinator. I have become addicted to the pressure that comes from delaying things. I am writing this late in the day while I know I have to rush off to a meeting...

3. I am an initiator. This is another "strength-finder" approach to excusing behavior. It says that I am gifted at getting things started, but not energized by maintaining things or keeping them going. While it may be true--it just isn't an excuse to NOT follow through on your good ideas. Life is full of the mundane things. Deal with it.

4. I have no discipline. OK, this is a really big one for me. It is true. I don't. It is only one weakness that affects about 90 different areas of my life--from friendships to spiritual growth and everything in between. Blogging requires discipline--and that is in short supply these days. Welcome to leadership for many of us. If you wait for discipline to land on your doorstep before you work at your discipline--it just won't happen.

5. "Do I have anything to say?" This is my self-doubt excuse. It has many forms in leadership, but it is the voice that causes us to be insecure, pull-back, avoid conflict or not stand up for our values. It is the self-doubt that saps the leader's ability to speak up. I hear it all the time--and it is one of the reasons I don't blog every Monday like I had planned.

As I said, these 5 excuses are mine. But, I am pretty sure many of you have heard those same excuses--or similar ones--roll around in your head. How do you deal with the excuses you make up? How do you work through them? Are there others that steal your focus and energy? As usual, I would love to hear from you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. God bless